A Dead Girl

Chapter 33 Recovery

Scarlett's POV
The next day

It's the next day and I'm not going to school. Not today not this week not ever. I'm done with school, I hate it and it hates me. I stayed in bed all morning while Jamie and Amy left. Me and Avery were the only ones in the house. She took off work to stay with me.

My thoughts were interrupted by her coming in to wake me up. I guess she thought I had fallen asleep. I can't sleep after what happened.
"Hey Scar, I know what your going through right now but Ms. Diane said you should try and get up and move around a bit. Plus eating will make you feel a lot better so you should eat something today"

I'm not eating.

"Leave me alone"

"Scarlett please get up"

"Go away"

She walked over to me and touched my arm and I immediately flinched and was up in the corner of my bed as far away from her as possible.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

Why did I react like that? It's Avery, she'd never hurt me intentionally. My body relaxed back to it's already tense state and I got up and went to the kitchen. I don't know why I came to the kitchen since I'm not eating anything. I took my meds and sat down.
"How about some pancakes and bacon?" Avery said
"I'm not hungry"

"You haven't eaten in two days. You need to eat something"

"I'm not eating"

"Scarlett please"

"No"

"What about a bowl of cereal?"

"No. I'm not eating"

"How about some fruit?"

"I said no. I'm fat enough as it is. I can't believe I let myself get this big. I can't even see my ribs anymore."

I didn't mean to say that second part out loud but it's too late now. "Scarlett your not fat. Your underweight. If you keep going like this they'll force a feeding tube down your nose"

I feel a rush of anxiety come over me and I'm now in the middle of another panic attack. I can't catch my breath. I need to cut. Kill two birds with one stone. Cutting will get rid of the panic attack and make me numb which will prevent more from happening.
"Scarlett breathe"

"I ne- I need a k-nife"
I stand up and try and walking towards the knives.
"Breathe" Avery said

"I can't"
I sit on the floor underneath the island and start hyperventilating. I start scratching my neck and Avery grabs my hands. That just made it worse. Now I keep picturing Ms Soyers face. Her hands all over me. I start to cry and my breathing gets faster.

"Scarlett look at me"
I slowly looked up at her.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I want what's best for you. Right now your having a panic attack. I want you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth"

I start breathing in and out as Avery coaches me along. Eventually the feelings are gone and I'm breathing normally again. I start crying at how sad this is right now. I'm sitting on the floor in a puddle of my own tears.
"Can I hug you?"
That's the first time she's asked to hug me but I'm happy she did. I probably would've freaked out again.
"Okay" I said in a muffled voice through my tears. And she hugged me and we sat there for awhile.

Eventually though we were back at square one with her trying to get me to eat.
"Just one apple Scar"

"No way. That has 52 calories"

"You need 2,000 calories a day and you've had 0"

"That's because I'm fat. Soon enough I'll be immobile  and will ride around in one of those electric wheelchairs"