The Aftermath

S4E7: A Second Chance

       The repetitive knocking at the front door rings through Matthew's ears as he frantically throws clothes over his head. Normally, he'd be up bright and early, but things have relaxed around here. It's like he can finally start over.
       This outer layer of aggressiveness and egocentrism has been dismantled, the tough persona and boundaries now clear from his conscience. Ever since that night, he's turned over a new leaf. He won't stop until he can truly forgive himself for his previous actions.
       He grabs the two handguns that are set on his kitchen counter, both magazines lying next to their assigned firearms. This is Matthew's first official time training someone.
       The closest he's gotten was showing Skyy how to shoot a gun when they first entered this cruel atmosphere. He longs for those days once again; he missed that feeling of being close to Skyy. She was his everything and still is.
       All he has now are memories of what once was a beautiful relationship. That one ignorant action he committed on that dreadful day changed everything. It's like he's on the same level as Tamara. He's not even a part of the group anymore.
       He shakes away the painful thoughts, desperately trying to move past his terrible mistakes. This sanctuary can bring out all of his good qualities once again. He needs change in order to fully move on.
       He puts on a rather tender, innocent smile as he pulls open the door, feeling the calm atmosphere of the sanctuary. However, he is slightly taken back by what he notices.
       What was originally anticipated as an individual training session with Ricky has now turned into an awkward confrontation. His warm smile instantly fades as he gazes at Skyy and Ricky standing outside his door.
       Previously, he thought that he can finally settle things with Ricky. Matthew wants the opportunity to prove that he's trustworthy and loyal to someone who so desperately needs it. Just like Matthew, Ricky has also been through hell.
       Matthew's mind instantly starts racing, formulating theories as to why they came together. Why is Skyy also here? Are they trying to rub their friendly relationship in my face? Do they still not trust me? Matthew thinks to himself worriedly.
       He's forced out of his demeaning thoughts once Ricky puts a hand on his shoulder, giving off a touching smile. Despite all of the baggage that's been unfolded between the two, Ricky is still willing to forgive and forget. Matt can't help but get slightly emotional as his past struggles get washed away.
       Ricky gave Matt the chance to start fresh; he will take this second chance as an opportunity to grow as a person. He won't stop at nothing until he's done enough to earn Ricky and Skyy's forgiveness. He will represent their great barrier, protecting them from any outside forces.
       He put Ricky's life in jeopardy; the least he could do is put his life on the line for Ricky and the rest of the group, proving how he's changed. If another death like Sarah's occurs once again, the group will never be the same.
       "You ready Matt!" Ricky shouts cheerfully with a broad smile displayed on his face.
       Matthew nods in response, not saying a word. He appreciates the way Ricky's acting. He's trying not to shed too much light on the past. Matthew respects that; he needs that in a friend.
       After they exchange their greetings, they begin to walk towards the training hub of the sanctuary. Typically, it's rather busy as citizens desperately work hard to achieve their personal goals of surviving the outside world.
       However, there's not a single trainee in sight, making this situation that much more awkward. Although Matthew wants to start over, it's going to take some time to return to a state of normalcy.
       "So what are you guys training for today? I'll be learning how to track animals for the winter, but I'm just curious," Skyy says suddenly, trying to break the awkward silence.
       "Oh! Matthew is teaching me how to dual wield pistols!" Ricky says optimistically.
       "Considering how you saved us on the highway not too long ago, I can see why you want to further develop that skill," Skyy chuckles.
       Matthew can't help but feel alienated as he watches the chemistry between Ricky and Skyy. He knows that they're solely friends, but he's still envious to that fact nonetheless.
       He craves that attention from Skyy every single day. Although he's moved on from his past, he's still always tempted to grab Skyy's tender hand and confess his undying love to her.
       He shakes away his lude thoughts, desperately trying to hide the pain in his eyes that's mixed with grief and envy. This apocalypse has taken a toll on his character. There's a possibility that he'll never be the same as he once was.
       "Alright Ricky, we can start with the correct stance and work our way into dealing with the recoil of the pistols," Matthew says without glancing at Skyy once.
       He knows that if he admires her from afar, it'll only trigger his erotic thoughts, causing him to spiral out of control. Instead, he must focus on the task at hand and help Ricky train for the outside world.
       A couple of hours pass as Matthew prepares targets for Ricky's accuracy. Skyy sits on the chair off in the corner of the room, legs crossed, completely invested in the content of her training novel.
       She looks like a studious college student. Matthew always founded Skyy's formality and tenacity attractive. He loves how her personality contains several character traits. It's make every interaction that much more enjoyable.
       Ricky catches Matthew's occasional glance towards Skyy as his productivity suddenly comes to a halt. He's clearly hurting; Ricky can see that. The sole purpose of his existence is to protect Skyy, and now its been taken away.
       Ricky contemplates on whether or not he should communicate with Matthew. Should I talk to Matt? Should I reassure him that Skyy and I are no longer a thing? Why am I acting so lenient with him anyways? Ricky battles with himself until finally confronting Matthew.
       "She still loves you ya know. We're just good friends is all," Ricky says calmly.
       Matthew perks his head up like an intrigued child about to go to their first amusement park. She still loves me? How does he know that? Did she tell him? Matthew thinks to himself hopefully before returning to his levelheaded state.
        "What makes you say that?" Matthew asks curiously, trying to maintain his excitement.
       "I can just tell by the way she looks at you. No need to fret my guy," Ricky punches his arm playfully.
       For the first time in three years, Matthew gave a sincere smile. Who knew that the guy he lashed out on would be the cause of it. This is the first time where he's felt accepted in the group.
       "Thanks man. Let's get back to the training now shall we?" Matthew states with enthusiasm, Ricky following shortly behind.
       This feeling of friendship and understanding feels so refreshing. Matthew kept on hiding away his fears and sadness while desperately trying to forget his previous actions. In reality, all he needed was a civilized conversation. That's all it took for him to smile again.
       He seemed to be happy when he first arrived to the sanctuary, but going on patrol was simply distracting him from his hardships. He truly missed Skyy and the others but couldn't bring himself to confront them.
       For the short amount of time where he was locked up, his thoughts were chaotic as suicidal thoughts started to slowly creep their way in. He felt lost, hopeless. He didn't want to live anymore.
       However, this one day has now solidified his reasoning as to why he's still breathing. He won't stop until he's sure for certain that he deserves Ricky's forgiveness. It may take a while, possibly a whole lifetime, but Matthew won't stop until he's considered as an official member of the group.
       After a couple of shots, Ricky inches closer and closer to the target. The recoil has proven itself to be a challenge. What he needs is control and complete concentration. This training couldn't have been for nothing.
       He's nearly reached his limit, growing more and more defeated. All he wants is a simple headshot from both pistols. His hands are trembling, mind racing on how to correctly shoot this target. He's simply been holding the pistols for too long, it's causing strain in his arms.
       He aims down the sights, focusing on the small target in the distance. He inhaled deeply, taking in the refreshing cool air, the stress fading away. He fires; direct hit.
       That moment feels surreal as pure happiness and excitement rush through Ricky's bloodstream. It's like he's on a runner's high. He cheers frantically while Skyy practically waddles over towards Ricky.
       Although they embraced in a meaningful hug, Matthew wasn't envious. He was glad on the contrary. This group needs little victories like these; it's what keeps them motivated in this psychotic world they reside in.
       "Great job Ricky!" Matthew says cheerfully.
       Just as they celebrate Ricky's minor achievement, a wave of hell is ready to be unleashed. The sound of the loud speaker goes off, their smiles instantly fading, immediately expecting the worst.
       However, no matter how terrible things get; no matter how hopeless they all feel, their group bond will keep them together. Matthew will personally make sure that he does everything in his willpower to keep his group members safe, unlike in the past.