The Diary Of A Redhead | #WIA2020

T W E N T Y

It's been days now since Dad has been taken into custody and I have been travelling from home to station and station to home. I have been numb and not feeling any of the emotions lately. I am working but I have lost my soul and I need to find it. I wanted to get out of Northwood but I can't until I am done with my testimonials against my own father. I met him again last week just to ask him again if he actually did what he did. I knew the truth but I wanted to make it sure. It was too much for me to bear with the reality. The harsh reality. I already lost my mom some 12 years back and I did lose my father too now. I was having a hard time to cope up with reality. To come up to the fact that my father actually killed my mother. I just wasn't able to face the reality. Maybe I am just like that.

But I was glad that my mom, who was given to me by my father, the only thing he did right maybe, was with me throughout this. She stood by my side like a rock not letting me fall even for a moment. I cried my heart out hiding into her arms for the last few days. She has promised me that we will move to London and start afresh when we are out of the questioning rounds. Emily stayed with me holding onto me tight so did Edmund. Aiden made sure to check on me whenever our paths crossed at the station but he respected my decision and stayed away. My heart was aching and longing for him but I need to stay true to my decision. I need to think about my whole life all over again.

It took us a few weeks to get over with all the formalities regarding dad and I dropped out of the school. I needed a break to stand tall again and I honestly wouldn't have been able to walk with eyes following me throughout. Mom said I can repeat the semester once we are in London and I was fine with that.

I looked at the baggage resting in my room and walked towards the window. This might be the last time I will be standing here and looking at the woods. Those were happily roaring as the mountain behind smiled widely at me. They didn't scare me today but felt welcoming. They were giving me a silent hope that I will be fine from hereon. I smiled looking at them and looked down. The helpers were in a rush to close the place as they were winding up with their work. I moved back and closed the window shut as I turned around and moved my gaze through the room. My room where I spent twelve years of my life.

I have seen happy days while there were some really bad days. I have been scared to death but I smiled the widest. This room has seen it all. My nightmares and my beautiful dreams. They were all witnessed here. It feels sad to leave everything behind but I have to. I took a deep breath as a tear rolled down my eye. Nothing was happening the way I thought it to be. Dad, Aiden, Emily, Edmund, these woods, that mountain, my school, my people, and my town. Everything will go away from me from today. I don't know when and how I will meet them all again. A deep ache surpassed my chest and for a moment I felt like dropping my plan and running into these woods again by holding Aiden's hand in mine. I felt like going to our hideout and shutting myself from the whole cruel world with him on my side. I wanted to blabber to him about how much I hated Chelsea and Hannah from art class while he would look at me with adoration.

I wish I could go to the park down the road with Emily and move in the swing as we would compete whose swing was taking the bigger blow. I wanted to laugh my heart out with her yet again. I wanted to tease Edmund about how big his glasses were. I wanted to annoy him that Aiden will take my side no matter what. I wanted to fight with him over the same and just be little kid along with the three people I love the most.

I walked down and strolled into the garden looking inside the woods again and remembering all the memories I have kept inside my heart, closer to me. Sound and safe. I am sure I am going to revisit all of them when I will go to London and I will cry my heart out feeling the pain deep inside my heart. The pain of leaving everything and everyone behind. The pain that will stay with me longer than I could imagine. I know my heart is going to ache with all these flooded memories. I sniffed hard and wiped my moist eyes.