The Diary Of A Redhead | #WIA2020

S I X

I sat on the ground covering both the ears as the clock was continuously ticking. The light from the gas lamps on the street was lightening my room a little but still, it was covered with the darkness as the curtains covered most part of the window. I looked up at the ticking sound and couldn't get what time it was but now as I look back at that blurry memory, I can only say that it was somewhere between 2 to 3. My heart was thudding loudly and I could hear the cries coming from behind the door of the room at the very end of this first floor. It was the room my parents shared. 

Benjamin, my cat ran to me and sat closely. The noises weren't loud but those were enough to scare a 5-year-old child. I heard some footsteps out of my door as the thudding became louder when I saw the doorknob getting twisted. I breathed unevenly but started crying when my dad entered the room. He came forward immediately and hugged me tightly. He looked devasted as he cried his heart out keeping me in his arms. I was utterly confused as to what happened to the man who I have always seen keeping his head high. But I just stayed there too afraid to move away although his tight grip was making me choke. Where is mom? Why isn't she coming? Those questions grasped my little innocent mind but I was scared to ask. 

Dad moved backwards and looked at me with the rivers of tears flooding through his eyes. He was broken like something has been snatched away from him. 

"Where is mom?" I finally gathered the strength and asked him the question bugging my mind. He kept looking at me and broke down again as he kept on crying. I have never seen him so shattered till now. I have always known him as the strongest man that I even feared to talk with at a times but the man in front of me now looked different. Dad shook his head with disbelief and held my little face in his big hands. He didn't utter a single word. It scared me more. I gained enough courage to move aside and get up on my own little feet as I walked outside the room. Dad was still sitting on the same floor in the same position. I could hear his faint crying but I kept moving in the corridor holding the wall with one hand. 

I walked slowly with bated breaths and took the turn towards the final passage which leads towards my parent's room. The door was flung open but there was dark inside. I took a deep breath and walked forward refusing to move my gaze away from the door. I stopped at the door and looked back at the hallway but Dad wasn't following me. 

I looked ahead again and pushed the door open further. Mom was lying on the bed. The dim light of the candle was lightening the room but the wind coming from the window was making the light dance. I walked to the side of the bed to get a better view of her face. She looked peaceful sleeping on the white sheet with her favourite nightdress on. Her red hairs were dishevelled and her hands were wide open to her either side as if she was asking me to hug her. Her legs were clinging from the edge of the bed. I kept watching her sleeping like that. I moved closer to her and got on the bed with some efforts. I sat beside her and took my hand to her cheek caressing her. She was the same. She didn't move. I called her a few time and shook her body but she kept lying there in the same state, without moving. The tears flowed from my eyes as I cried my heart out to wake my mom up but she had no intentions.

I sniffed hard and rested my hand on her cheek as I kept looking at her with tearful eyes accepting the fact that she won't be waking up though it was too much for my 5-year-old self to come to that fact and get settled with reality. The harsh reality that her mother won't be with her on this further journey. I kept sitting there in the yellow light which filled the room with brightness but my vision was dark and cold. I looked down shedding a few tears when I heard silent laughter.  My head shot up and I looked around until my eyes landed on my mom. She had her eyes open which were pitch black as if someone sucked the soul from her. She had the crooked laugh on her lips and she was looking at me. A fear crept across me and I moved backwards. Her eyes moved along with mine but she kept lying there.