Soul Heaven-BTS Reverse Harem

22. Pass It Through

"You.. what?" He drops his hand off my face and pulling himself away from me.

"Jamie and I.. kissed." I repeat.

"Oh, I see." He doesn't not blink for a second then looks up to me.

"When did you.. "

"It was two days ago, right at my session with him. He kissed me out of nowhere and I.. kissed him back."

"Oh.." he leans on the desk behind him.

"Look, Tae. It's kinda one of the reasons why I'm being distant to you and everyone else these past two days. I was scared. Not only of you, but scared of what might happen next. If I hurt you, I'm truly sorry." Says me, shooting him apologetic look. His expression remains stoic, I don't know if he's hurt, sad, or angry. He just stands there, pondering.

"Please.. say something. I mean I know we've only kissed a few times and I don't know what it is that we have, but I felt so bad about it. You and Jamie are best friends, I really don't wanna ruin that." I add.

"What was the second reason?" He asks.

"Uh, what?"

"You said this is one of the reasons. Is there more?"

"Oh.. the thing is, I really like you. But I have to admit that I have these sort of feelings towards others too. I don't know how to face this situation, so I chose to stay quiet and act all distant.."

"I know that other guys feel the same way as you, but.. It's weird to hear when you're also into us all.." He says, looking lost. I step forward to reassure.

"I know, that's why I've been so off. But when you and Jamie said I just fit to you all, it's the same for me. You guys just fits. All of you. And I don't know what to do and--"

"It meant something to me. The kiss." He cuts in, stepping closer to me eagerly.
"Do you.. really like me?" His eyes are pleading, holding both of my hands.

"I do, I really do. I think you're a wonderful person, Tae." I look to his eyes, cupping his face.

"So what if-- What if I still want you? What if I don't care if you wanna be with them all?" He holds my hand that's cupping his face.

"I can't, Tae. It's not fair to you or Jamie. I won't do that to you or any of you. What if we ended up hating each other? Or you hating your brothers? I can't bear it. I'd rather be alone than ruin everything you have." I sigh and let him go. He looks down then slowly took a step back. Leaning back to the desk.

Another silence fill the room.

"Tae? Are you okay?" I softly ask, not dare to step any closer to him.

"It's just.. it's too bad."

"What is?"

"I-I'm starting to have deep feelings for you.." he looks up to me, disappointed. I can feel the tears starting to fill my eyes. The look that he gave me, it aches me.

"I'm sorry.." I whispers.

"Is there really no chance for me at all?"

"Tae.. Even if there is, someone like me can never be with someone like you." His lips are parted, he's about to say something but I beat him out of it.

"I think you should go.." I whisper.

I hurt him. As if I judge him for being an idol and not seeing him as an actual human being. With that he scoffs and walks out of my apartment.

It hurts that I hurt him. It's only about three weeks since I've been here but I already ruined everything. Right, why would someone like them be with someone like me?
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The next day is another day of me avoiding the boys. It's Saturday and Taeyong didn't message me at all, not even in the group chat but I've got unread personal message from Nick and Jake. I saw their text message through notifications only. I didn't read them.