Formidable Devotion

XV

I noticed that Malcolm was observing our little interaction. He has a frown on his face and I get it. May be I'm being over protective of Gwen but it's too soon for her to be going around alone. We both aren't used to the streets and I can't afford anything happening to her.

Raymond excused himself from the table and rushed to work. He recently opened his own dispensary and it's kept him busy. "You kids take care. See you in the evening."

Gwen has been finding her style. She experiments with different outfits and it's appealing to watch her transform each day. We are both trying to find our place in this world and she's coping with the change progressively well.

Raymond has been trying to get us to therapy. Gwen has been reluctant more than I have been. Neither of us want it, and may be that's a bad decision but I'm not ready for something like that.

The three us usually hang out together. We're either at the mall, visiting a restaurants around town and trying different foods. So far, anything Italian is a work of art. You'll also find us at the beach, at the park, walking around town discovering new places or just chilling at Raymond's house.  I and Gwen occasionally hit the gym. Usually three times a week because it's a great way to escape our crippling depression.

So far life is good.

And I have never been happier.

______________

Days I'm usually looking forward to the most are Wednesdays and the weekends. Because Malcolm doesn't go to his internship and the three of us can hang out. Usually he will be teaching us a new skill and it's awesome. All of us will be leaving for College at around November and I'm also looking forward to that. Right now, I and Gwen are just leisuring, taking our big break and enjoying this new found freedom. Hot summer nights, mid July . I'll be eighteen in a week and then .... I can legally own a house and take care of Gwen without being under Raymond's supervision.

I held Gwen's hand when she began doing it again.... Counting her fingers subconsciously because she's been conditioned to do so half her life. She smiles at me..."What's taking  Malcolm so long?"

I also do it, even more times than Gwen. I'll  do a count down in my head for everything as though there isn't a clock. Holding her hand keeps her calm. And her laying down with me , sleeping by my side...keeps me calm. We are basically helping each other. I know we both shouldn't be so co-dependant but we only have one another.

We are  out by the beach, sited on the sand on a breezy Friday afternoon, waiting for Malcolm to bring the surfing boards. But he's been away for an hour too long.

"I'm calling him." It's not normal for Malcolm to be running late.

"Alright, I wanna take a dive for a while." Gwen took off her chiffon blouse , revealing her swim suit. She's so sexy it's insane.

"I'll come with you."

"Don't worry, I won't drown or anything Nathan. It's fine, relax and enjoy your music."

She almost did a few weeks ago because I wasn't watching over her. So pardon me if I'm being protective but she scared the hell out of me. I'm not taking my eyes off her.

"Is it wrong for me to join my girlfriend for a swim?"

Gwen narrowed her eyes at me , "Call Malcolm first."

She run towards the shore and of course I tossed everything aside and followed her. As usual, I don't take off my shirt to cover my scars. I don't really like people starting at them. Malcolm has asked me often why I won't swim without it but I'd just ignore his question.

I swept her off her feet and her laughter echoes, "Don't drop me until we're far from shore." Gwen wrapped her arms around my neck as I take us into the waters. Her cheeks are flushed from the heat of the sun and I kiss her.

"Salty..." She comments against my lips while kissing me back. The water was chilly and I loved it. Swimming is Gwen's thing, I enjoy walking by the beach more than swimming in it but anything for her.

I took us a few meters away from shore where the water was more settled. We swam for a while, It made me so happy to see Gwen having the time of her life. She really loves to play..... And I volunteer as her little pet, splashing water and chasing each other in the ocean.

Malcolm eventually showed up without needing to be called several times. He is teaching us how to surf. It will take longer than a few days to learn this..I realized surfing is just as hard as Malcolm described. But it's worth the effort, I've always wanted to know how to move with the waves.

We spent the rest of the  evening window shopping for furniture and antiques for the new house. We also want a small little study room, and our own mini Library with all the book we could ever want. We'll be starting a collection. One of things I've found to be truly satisfying and comforting is reading. It's gotten Gwen and I through so much. Reading was a way for us to escape our frustrations and harsh reality.

I'm learning more things about the world from the news. I grew up believing that everything that happened in the history of the our planet was bad enough, and the world is healing  but I'm starting to realize that we're still living in a dark place. When I see everything in the news I wonder whether I was better off being ignorant of the entire truth while being locked in that house or finally being eyes open to just how more vicious and cruel _life can be.

I'm so excited and eager to start traveling .....but sometimes I fear the things I might see. Because I know it's not all good. The world out there isn't just Paris , Tokyo and Greece.... There are places that people don't even talk about because they are horrifying. People out there are suffering. 

I had a chance to free myself and I'm fortunate for that. Realizing this has taught me to be grateful because I was lucky enough to see the light.

___________

Any thoughts?

-Lynn.