Beware of the Parker Boys *UNDER EDITING*

Chapter twenty

     He is my weakness. He cannot seem to choose though. He doesn’t know whether he wants me or doesn’t. He is always pushing me away when he begins to open up, when the walls he has built are about to fall, he builds them right back up.

That used to be me. I now see what I did to other people by shutting them out. And I guess I still don’t let them in that easily, but I have my reasons. And so does he.

     Maybe in time, we will both learn to open up and let people in.

                                            

      I make my way downstairs, the baby squirrel in my arms. I sit down on the couch and Dalton moves away, glaring at the gray ball of fur. Rodger watches me and when his eyes meet mine I smile. I look around for where I set down the bottle at and curse myself.

      “Shit.” I mumble, trying to get back up.

      “What?” Rodger asks, standing to his feet.

      “I left the fricken bottle upstairs.” I groan, turning to walk back upstairs but he grabs my hand.

      “I’ll get it.” he says shrugging before walking up the stairs before I can say thank you.

                                            

Rodger’s POV

      I make my way to her room, I had known she didn’t want to walk all the way back up here so I thought I would do it. Be nice for once. I walk through the door of her room and to her bed. The smell of her hits my nose and I smile. I go to her bed and look around the stand and floor for the bottle but don’t find it, I look through her bed but still can’t find it. Finally I shake the covers and the bottle falls out and hits the floor before rolling across the room. But something else had fallen out of the sheets with it.

      Her handwriting booms up at me and I know I should turn away.

      Just grab the bottle and go. Just shut it maybe, don’t read it.

      But the words glare up at me and I pick it up.

February 13, 2012

     It has been a week since mom left. I don’t think she is coming back. I haven’t told dad, I haven’t told anyone, not even Tanner. We don’t talk anymore, he too has left me, given up. Grown tired of me pushing him away, but I won’t let him back in. Not after what he did.

     But since she has left, and dad has left, even since Tanner has left, I feel so… alone. So unwanted. Most of the time I spend my time thinking about ending my life then thinking about planning. What is out there for me? Who is there for me? I just don’t think I can do it.

     Every time I come in this empty house I feel like I a drowning, I am drowning and there is no one here to pull me back up. No one here to toss me something so I can return to shore, return home. Where people love me.

     But now I have given up, right now I beginning to think this is what has been planned for me. To feel so alone that I can’t take it anymore, I can’t take waiting, and I can’t take… living.

     Why do I feel this way? Why do people always leave me? What wrong with me?

      Her words hit me and I can feel the pain she felt as if it were me. Her words hit me with a stab every time. How could someone like her think this way? Why would everyone leave her like they did?