Open Case File [COMPLETED]

Resolution (Part 4)

"I'm right here," she said, drawing his attention.

He nodded like he hadn't been on the verge of a panic attack. Carter balled her fists, fighting to keep new tears from showing.

"I couldn't sleep and didn't want to bother you," she said, working to keep her voice clear.

"I woke up..."

Carter knew the end to the sentence, he woke up and she was gone. She shouldn't have left, but if she'd stayed in that bed he'd woken up to her crying. She couldn't let him see that.

Thanking the night and the darkness for concealing her face, Carter rose and took Donovan's hand.

"I'm sleepy now. Let's head back to bed."

But as she took a step, Donovan stopped her. Gently, he cupped her face, his thumb tracing over the dampness on her cheek. Unable to control them, new tears appeared. The touch felt undeserved. His notice of her tears felt like a miracle since most days he saw her but not in the way he used to. Not in the way that said he knew her thoughts. Not in the way he'd looked at her before everything.

"You have to be real with me," he said.

Carter choked out a sob, putting one hand over her mouth, wishing she could suck the sound back in. What right did she have to mourn? What right did she have to anything when she hadn't gone through watching someone she loved die and come back?

"Carter," Donovan said.

For the first time, her name didn't sound like he was discovering it all over again. It sounded like he knew her inside and outside and needed her to know that. It broke Carter in a way she didn't know she could be broken. She laid her head on his chest, tucking herself into him.

"I've gone over it a million times and I still can't find a way around it," she said, voice thick. "Each way meant one of you were in danger. Even with choosing the path I did, there was a risk. I feared so much that I would lose you that I did what I thought I had to but it seems I still lost you."

Donovan's words played in a loop in her head, 'you died. You left. I died.' She'd killed the man she loved while trying to save him.

Donovan put his arms around her, holding her tightly. She wanted him to say something, tell her that he would be okay, that they would find some way to return to the people they were, to return to the couple they were.

He said nothing.

*********

The fountain behind the front desk filled the waiting room with a musical sound. Everything from the tan couches and chairs to the watercolor meadow prints hanging on the soft green painted walls said this was a peaceful place. Carter didn't feel it.

Donovan might have, but she found it difficult to tell. His thoughts which had once been clear as day to her were hidden. At times when she imagined she could see them they were tangled, distorted, chaotic. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to unravel them again.

The office door opened and a woman in her late sixties with a quiet countenance stepped out. Both Carter and Donovan stood as Dr. Hendricks smiled in welcome.

"It's good to see you again, Donovan," she said. "Why don't you come in?"

As Dr. Hendricks retreated into the office, Carter squeezed Donovan's hand.

"Do you want me to come with you this time?" she asked as she'd asked every other time before.

Donovan didn't meet her eyes when he answered no. Trying not to let the repeated refusal hurt, Carter let go of his hand. When he closed the door behind him, Carter left the office. She wouldn't find peace there.