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September 5th _______
"2 months later"
A prelude to "New Beginnings" ...
I placed my keys down on the counters of my condo. I had just got back from the viewing of my "old" home that was being sold out since the passing of my mother. Oh yeah, my mother is...
Gone...
I didn't know how to take grieving especially since my father had died but now my mother. I was lost once again. Even though I knew what she did was wrong it's like.. I didn't want them to take her too.
I dragged my fingers across the marble counters as the tears fell upon my swoll cheeks. My phone kept flashing from hundreds of notifications but I didn't pick it up because it was just going to be a whole bunch of "RIPs and keep ya head up sis" and I wasn't in the mood to see that. I was angry, depressed, furious, mad. I was a whole bunch of things.
I walked up the stairs scratching my nails through the nicely painted walls making sure I was leaving my mark.
I wandered in my room pacing back in forth from the window to the closet. In the meantime of that, I knocked down the pictures off my dressers that shattered as they fell then I ripped all the coats off my hangars watching them fall on the floor.
I made it inside the bathroom turning the tub on checking the temperatures every 5 minutes until it got warm. I slipped my clothes off and put my foot in first and then the rest of my body followed.
Laying my head back on the tub I grabbed the kitchen knife that laid on the side of me. The tears cascaded down even more as I felt around the knife with my thumbs. I kept questioning myself knowing this wasn't healthy but I wasn't listening to those gut feelings.
I pressed the knife against my thigh as I slightly lifted it up. I closed my eyes as it went deeper into my skin while I winced from the pain and my tears started burning.
"Why me?" I questioned looking up from the ceiling as I dropped the knife in the water while the blood from my thigh dropped down. "Why did you have to take everybody?" I held my face in my knees letting the rest of the tears fall out.
"I just want better."
...
September 6th __________
"First Chapter to New Beginnings"
...
"What the hell has happened to you?" My therapist gently touches my wounds that were pretty apparent because of the shorts I had on. "My gosh, Micah I thought you were done doing this." She said.
I shrugged my shoulders to her statements. It was mandatory from my mother that I went to a therapist because of past depression and insecurity issues. It helped for the most part but those problems always seem to sneak up on me again and this was one of those times.
