you're all i want

xvii

april 21, 2015. england.

"lou!" phoebe exclaims as she sees her big brother walk into the kitchen for breakfast. "mum said we couldn't see you last night."

she jumps into his arms to greet her brother with a big hug. usually, louis would have no issues catching the small girl, but his body is still weak, so the force causes him to stumble back a little.

"be careful with him," jay scolds, noticing louis unsteadiness. "your brother is still not well."

louis says a quick hello to ernest and doris, who jay is in the process of feeding, before he pulls up one of the kitchen chairs and pulls phoebe onto his lap. he wraps his arms around her tightly. "i'm okay, mum. don't worry. now, how is my little phoebe doing?" louis asks, tickling her sides.

phoebe giggles and latches her arms around louis' neck. "i'm so happy you're home again!" she exclaims.

"so am i," he smiles back.

he hears several pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs, and before he knows it, lottie, fizzy, and daisy are all hurrying over to him. louis gently picks phoebe off of his lap and stands to meet his other sisters in a hug.

louis sits and makes conversation with his sisters and his mum while the girls rush to eat their breakfast before school. fizzy, daisy, and phoebe are all just happy to have their brother home for extra time, but the sad look in lottie's eyes tells him that she's worried about him too. he knows that will probably be a conversation he is forced into later.

"can you drive us to school today, lou?" fizzy asks, hopefully.

louis smiles. "i would love to-"

"not today," jay cuts him off. "now you girls better get off to the bus stop before you're late," jay hands each of her daughters a bagged lunch. "maybe louis will come with me to pick you up after school, though."

the girls' faces light up. they all nod excitedly before hurrying out the door to catch their bus.

louis turns to his mother and sighs. "i can't even drive them to school?"

"you are still unwell. i don't think you are a position to drive a car right now, and i don't want to put you or my girls into a dangerous situation," jay defends.

louis stomps his foot, childishly, angry at this whole situation. he hates feeling weak. he hates being treated like there is something wrong with him. it was never like this before.

jay ignores that. "now that you're up and had some time to rest and get settled at home, i think it would be a good idea to go through some of those therapists together," she suggests.

"nope," louis retaliates. "i am not going to see a therapist."

jay sighs, exhausted. all she wants is to help her son feel better, but of course he has to be very stubborn and difficult about this. "please, louis. it's for the best."

louis grabs an apple off the counter. "i'm going back to bed," he says, ignoring jay's pleas as he heads back upstairs.

he places the apple on top of his dresser and curls himself back into bed. all louis has done for the past four days has been lay in bed, but he still doesn't have the energy to do anything else. he wants to call harry, but it is the middle of the night in la right now. louis doesn't want to disturb his husband and screw up his sleep schedule just so he doesn't have to be alone, so he's stuck lying by himself in silence.

about fifteen minutes later, louis still has not touched his apple. he stares at the wall blankly, underneath a big fluffy blanket and clutching onto a pillow like he would disappear if he didn't. he feels completely empty right now, like he could just fade away and nothing would matter.