you're all i want

xv

warning: mentions of self-harm, suicide, and homophobia.

april 19, 2015. england.

"good afternoon, mr. tomlinson. my name is doctor watson. i am here to talk to you and figure out how soon you can be discharged and what your treatment will be looking forward," a handsome and muscled man introduces himself. he wears a warm smile on his face and reaches a hand out for louis to shake.

louis is still furious over having to talk to a psychologist, but reluctantly returns the handshake anyway. he hasn't yet decided if he wants to talk to the doctor. he refuses to believe that he needs to talk to this psychologist, but he knows that this is his only way of getting out of this hospital soon.

doctor watson skims through louis' medical records that he had been given access to. "it says here that as of this morning, your vitals were confirmed to be healthy and unharmed by your suicide attempt," louis flinches at the blunt mention of his actions. "tomorrow morning, your suicide watch ends and you will be allowed to be discharged, depending on how this session goes. i'm sure you're itching to get out of here."

he's right. louis can't wait to get home. he hates it in the hospital. the smell of disinfectant and the constant beeping of the heart monitor and all of the other machines is giving him a headache. he hates the way everyone is treating him like he's weak and fragile. he hates how everyone seems to be walking on eggshells around him. it's been about two and a half days since liam carried him into the hospital and he's desperate to get home. but still, that doesn't mean he's willing to spill everything to this man who he doesn't know, and who he doesn't think he needs to talk to.

doctor watson notices his silence, so he starts asking questions. "okay, mr. tomlinson, getting to know your life and your background will help me to evaluate you more accurately. is there anything you would like to start with telling me?" he asks.

louis shrugs, remaining quiet. he has a thousand sassy remarks that are running through his head, but he doesn't want to give in to all the people who are claiming there is something wrong with him and he needs help.

"i understand that you don't want to talk to me. i get it. maybe it's because i'm a stranger, or you think you'll seem weak if you talk to a psychologist. maybe you don't think you need to be here at all. i understand," doctor watson explains, sympathetically. "even though i believe everyone can benefit from therapy, no matter what their situation is, i understand your reluctance, but i am your only way out of here. if you choose to not cooperate, the hospital will have no choice but to bring you to the psychiatric unit and treat you as an inpatient until you start cooperating."

"you can't do that," louis finally speaks up.

"you are currently a danger to yourself. your suicide watch can easily be extended," he states. "we cannot let you leave this hospital until we know that you're not going to be in danger as soon as you walk out those doors."

louis scoffs. "i currently have no plans to try again, if that's what you mean."

"that is part of what i mean, yes," doctor watson nods. "but, you also have recent self-harm scars. that is also a danger to your well-being and i am here to ensure your safety."

"i've never cut deep enough to die. i'm fine," louis insists.

doctor watson shakes his head in disagreement. "that can easily go wrong and be more dangerous than you intend. self-harm is not a healthy way to cope with your emotions. are you ready to tell me about yourself now?"

"i'm in a band. you've probably heard plenty about me. or you can just look it up. the tabloids have loads to say."

"you and i both know that the media is an untrustworthy source of information," doctor watson says critically. "will those articles get me closer to understanding your self-destructive behaviors?"