you're all i want

viii

warning: there is self-harm in this chapter.

april 4, 2015. united arab emirates.

"hi, mum! how is everything? you and the kids all good?" louis happily answers his mum's call a couple hours before their last show before the month-long break. he doesn't get to talk to her as much as he would like, and this call is an unexpected, but pleasant surprise. he quietly kisses harry's cheek and heads outside the venue to get some privacy. once he's outside, he lights a cigarette and smokes as he catches up with his mum.

"im good, sweetheart! i've missed you. you need to call more often," jay responds.

louis nods to himself. "i've missed you too. the tour has been crazy lately."

"i can imagine. how have you been doing with zayn gone? i worry about you sometimes."

"don't worry, mum. i'm alright," louis assures her.

"i'm glad to hear that," she smiles to herself. "today is your last show before coming home, right? i expect you and harry to come visit as soon as you get home. we all miss you both."

louis frowns and takes a drag out of his cigarette. her forgot he never told his mum that he and harry would be separated during the break. he didn't want to tell her because they had hoped they could convince management to change their minds, but they were unfortunately unsuccessful. "actually, mum, harry is going to be in la for a couple weeks. we'll come visit one he gets back to england," he promises.

"did something happen between you?" jay asks, worried.

"no, no. harry and i are good. just management and syco."

"oh, i'm so sorry, dear," jay's heart breaks for her son. she knows that being controlled and closeted by management has really taken a toll on him. "one day you'll be able to be together and be happy. you love him and he loves you. that can never be taken away. they won't be able to keep you away from each other forever."

"we tried to get them to change their mind, but they wouldn't budge," louis sighs. "it is what it is."

"you'll get through it. i know how much it sucks, but you'll be home soon. the kids are so excited to see you when you come back," she assured him. "you'll have a month to relax and be free from them."

"thanks, mum. i'll come visit in a few days, okay? once i get settled back in london."

jay smiles excitedly. "of course! have a good concert tonight, darling. just hold on. i believe in you."

"i love you, mum. thanks for calling. it really cheered me up," louis puts out his cigarette. "i'll see you soon."

"bye, louis. i love you, too," jay hangs up the phone and louis stays sitting outside for a few minutes. his mum is his lifeline. he knows he can always rely on her to stand up for him and talk him through his struggles. louis knows he would be completely lost without her. his mum and harry are the two most important people in his life, and he hates that he is constantly so physically far from his mum, and management tries to keep him so far from his husband as well.

spirit slightly lifted after talking to his mum, louis heads back inside after only one cigarette, and joins the boys again.

"mum wants you to visit once you get to london," louis tells harry. "she says she misses you."

"that's the first thing i'll do when i get there," harry confirms.

"the first thing?" louis asks with an eyebrow raised. "i can think of a better first thing," he flirts.