finding you

sixty nine

I awkwardly place myself within the group of guys surrounding the one and only Rhys Collins. I pull my eyes away from his "impressive" party trick and glance around at the people I'm standing with.

I don't recognize any of them. A momentary feeling of relief comes over me. I'm glad Nial has friends that aren't all from Growers High. That being said, they are all screaming and seem extremely intoxicated. I'm not exactly "jumping" at the opportunity to get to know them.

I turn back to Rhys. He falls back down to his feet and stumbles back, grasping his head like he's experiencing a super dizzy spell. I'm quite sure that he is.

I don't know why I feel some sort of aggravation towards him for drinking so much. It's not like he's doing anything wrong to me. I guess I just sort of hoped he would want to be with me more then he wanted to party. Ugh. Maybe I'm just too sober to be here.

I watch as a bunch of guys, including Nial and Ashton, tackle Rhys in a way that, for some reason, guys just do to each other. I roll my eyes and I know Ronnie is doing the exact same thing beside me. I feel her tug my sleeve and turn back to her.

"We are so behind," she says. "I don't even feel like I can drink enough to get on this level."

"I know. Me too," I agree, sounding as annoyed as I feel. I tighten my grip on the bottle of vodka I have in my hands. "Maybe we should take a few shots," I suggest, suddenly feeling like I need the extra dose of courage. I hate feeling like I need liquor to act normal in these types of situations. Social anxiety is literally the worst.

Ron just shrugs but lifts her drink to her lips anyways. I take a few sips of mine as well. I pre-mixed some Pepsi in it before hand so it's not completely awful. But hell, it's strong.

"Ron? T?"

Both me and Ron turn our heads in sync. Ashton comes prancing towards us with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Holy shit, you guys. It's midnight," he scolds. He walks up to Ron and encloses her in an affectionate hug. He kisses her head and I have to turn myself away. I don't know if I will ever get used to them being together.

I look around to see if I can spot Rhys anywhere, assuming he would have been right behind Ashton. I don't see Rhys, but I see Nial. His familiar friendly smile is beaming right at me. I smile back.

"Hey you!" He runs up to me. Even drunk Nial is happy Nial. His joy is just too infectious all the time.

"Hi," I grin. He gives me a great big bear hug, lifting me completely off the ground. I squeal. I'm really proud of myself with how far I've come with guys. A few months ago I would be making myself sick with panic if Nial hugged me like this. Now, I'm completely comforted by it. That's how it's supposed to feel.

"How is Theodora tonight?" he asks once putting me down.

"I'm fine." I sound so unsure, but oh well. "Happy birthday!" 

He just smiles at me. I'm suddenly distracted by a boy in the distance. He's several feet behind Nial, and completely engrossed in whatever conversation he's having with a few of the guys he's with. Rhys.

"He's fucked," Nial blurts, bringing my complete attention back to him. I didn't realize he had followed my gaze to behind him.

"What?"

"Rhys is fucking loaded. I doubt he can see further then ten feet in front of him. Come, let's go see him."

I'm suddenly being pulled along with Nial in direction of the boy who is apparently Rhys Collins. I don't recall ever liking the drunk version of Rhys. My mind immediately flashes back to the memory of him yelling at me, calling me his deceased mother among other things. I shudder.

I make it a point to slug my feet so Nial has to physically pull me with him.

"It's fine. I'll just see him later." I am starting to panic, and I have no idea why. It's just Rhys, I tell myself. It's only Rhys.

"Rhyson!" Nial yells, completely ignoring my quiet pleas. Oh boy.

I watch has Rhys's head slowly turns to our direction. Even from here, I can see glossiness in his eyes. I do hope he's not completely wasted. I want him to spend some time with me, and how can we do that if he can barely string together a few words?

His eyes clash with mine and my heart stops. Even after this morning; after last night; after everything, I still get the immediate nerves every time I see him. He still intimidates me. I swallow hard.

He hesitates for a moment, his face completely impassive. Oh God, does he... like not recognize me or something? After a few horrifying seconds, his face breaks out into the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"Hey!" he yells. He trots over to us immediately and I find myself bracing for impact. I have a second to breathe before huge arms come around me, lifting me off the ground. He spins me around for a bit, placing a wet kiss on the side of my face. I scrunch my face up as if a dog was giving me sloppy kisses. He puts me down and grabs hold of both my shoulders. I honestly think it's to balance himself. "Hi, baby," he says again.

I force myself to smile up at him. "Hi... how are you doing?"

"Spectacular now that you're here." He's grinning like an absolute goon right now. It would be cute if I wasn't slightly annoyed with him. He's wearing a baseball cap turned backwards. That should have been my first indication of his drunken state. "Baby, what is it? Do you need something? A drink?"

I shake my head and indicate to the bottle in my hand. "I have vodka."

He smiles. The glossiness in his eyes and the light from the fire is seriously making them look a sparkling blue sea. Why is it he can still be this attractive when he looks like a complete idiot? It's not fair in the slightest.

"Baby, you look adorable right now," he giggles, pulling on my sweater sleeves. I narrow my eyes at him. Stop it, Rhys! I'm trying to be mad at you! Stop being so cute!

As much as I want to be mad right now, I'm struggling to be. I'm just glad he's not Nightmare Night drunk (that's my new name for the night he was drunk at Ashton's). That Rhys was an awful Rhys. This Rhys? Well, he seems to be pretty harmless... I mean, he's being pretty darn playful and it's really throwing me off.

"Stop," I smile, pushing his chest with my hands. He grabs a hold of them both and brings me against him. I can smell beer off of him, but I don't mind it as much. I'm just glad to be in his arms once again.

"Nial's party bus is here. We can go and make out on one of the couches later." He winks, and I burst out laughing.

"Oh my God," I breathe. "I'm not sure about that."

He brings his arms down and around my back, holding me close. I'm suddenly aware of our public affection. It feels rather strange to be like this in front of people. It feels even stranger that I'm not completely hating it, either. I awkwardly look at our surroundings to see if anyone is noticing us. It doesn't look like it. Nial is also completely gone. I idly wonder where he went off to.

"Babe, have fun with me."

I look back up at Rhys. "It kind of looks like you had a lot of fun already."

"Baby! No, I was waiting for you. Are you mad?" He looks appalled for a moment.

I snort. "No, I'm not mad. I just wish I was more on your level, I guess." I shrug.

He frowns and pulls me even closer. "I'm sorry, baby. You just... took so fucking long," he suddenly says, and I find myself gaping at his honesty. He starts to laugh at my reaction.

I punch him in the shoulder, but I can't help the smile spreading on my face. "That was Ronnie's fault! She had so many things to do before we got here."

"Well," he breathes against my cheek. "You're here. You can still have fun tonight. What do you say?"

The smirk on his face is completely beguiling and I find myself saying yes to this ridiculous madness.