Doubt and Regret

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kylo/Ben

Making it back to my quarters, I manage to quell my emotions and anger without inflicting too much physical damage to my surroundings.  Although the carpenter droids will probably have different opinions.

Sitting on the side of my bed in deep thought about the vision, I come to the conclusion that two options are available. Either kill Rey and solidify my power or help turn her back to the light.  What do I know about doing that?

Vader's picture and letter suddenly flutter off the table to the floor.  Picking them up, I study the picture. My grandfather is smiling wide, showing all of his teeth. The bliss in his countenance nearly jumps off the photo. I almost chuckle looking at him, and remember the last time I laughed.

My grandmother, Padme, is a rare beauty.  With long dark hair and beautiful dark eyes, she is radiant. Her face shines with love. My mother would love to have this picture, I think sadly. 

Holding the letter in my hand too long, my fingers begin to sweat and the wax seal gets softer from my body heat. Knowing I will read it, but before I do, I open the drawer of my table and take out a wooden box.  It appears to be made of small square pegs of wood pieced together by hand.  I would know—I made it.

Opening the lid, I find a strange comfort in the box's contents. The silvery gray orb glints in the artificial light of my room.  Reaching to pick it up, I already know what I will feel—warmth.

It looked exactly the same as I remembered the day I picked it up off the floor of the dwelling.  Deftly slipping it and some of the pegs in my pocket, I was able to avoid Rey catching me.

I also remember the little pout she made when she thought we were not able to find it.  The light in her eyes was mesmerizing to look at.  Shining with love, love for me.  She had fell in love with a monster and changed his heart. 

Placing the sphere back in the box, I put it on the table.

Breaking the seal on Vader's letter, I immediately feel a heaviness settle upon my countenance—not a suffocating heaviness— the warm comforting kind.

Spreading the letter open, the first thing I notice is who it is addressed to—my grandmother.  The second thing I notice is the date of its writing.  The date is two days before the destruction of the second Death Star and Vader's death.  The date is twenty-three years after my grandmother, Padme's death in childbirth. 

He never let her go. After all these years, he never let her go.

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Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker

Padme,

I have missed you everyday since we parted.  You are the only good memory I have left.  The violence and destruction I have caused erased all other aspects of my life before Vader.

I have been having numerous visions over the past year.  One involves our son, Luke.  He is a powerful Jedi now, wielding my own lightsaber, better than I even did.  Although he doesn't realize I am aware, I know that he has a twin sister.  She was raised as the princess of Alderaan.  Padme, she is fierce and courageous and reminds me so much of you.  Although not as strong with the Force as Luke, she is an opponent to be reckoned with in her own right.  It appears the Force was merciful on the galaxy, and our children inherited all the best parts of you and nothing from me. 

I have not forgotten that I was once called the Chosen One. I was supposed to bring balance back to the force, balance to the galaxy.  I was the hope of the Jedi order.

Instead, I became despair incarnate and murderer of the light.

It has been many years since I felt whole.  There is very little of my real body left.  I am just encased in a robotic shell.  A prison of sorts that keeps me breathing.  But no matter what, my mind and my heart are my own. 

Lately, I have been feeling the last remnant of light left in me begin to grow with renewed vigor. How it survived all these years, I don't know.  When I am near my master, I think he can sense it and attempts to surround me with more dark.  Trying to smother the light, I feel him pushing his evil into me as he has done for years, but it is no longer working.

Tomorrow, I leave for the Death Star.  If my vision with Luke means anything, I don't think I will be coming back.

I feel I must scribe one last vision I had just two nights ago.  In the vision, I am in the presence of the great black throne of the Sith, but I am not alone.  I am surrounded by Jedi of the past and present.  I can sense that some are of Skywalker blood and one is of the blood of my master.  As my vision begins to fade, I can hear words spoken softly near me, You are still the Chosen One Anikan.

I have no one else to confide in. You are the light that is left in me and I want to return to the only love I have ever known.  You.

                                                With all my love,
                                                   Anikan

Author's note:  Well, how was that pov?  Also, I told you that sphere from the perfectly matched chapter was going to become very important

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Author's note:  Well, how was that pov?  Also, I told you that sphere from the perfectly matched chapter was going to become very important.  Just wait and see.  Tell me what you think about this chapter.  Don't forget to vote too.  Thanks so much for reading.

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