But not to me

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BEN


Watching her while she sleeps, her lack of peace intrigues me. Her head turns back and forth, and her brow remains furrowed. 

Good, if I can't rest well, neither should she.

She doesn't know I've been watching her through the Force-bond almost every night.  Occasionally she startles awake, but I've been able to break the bond before she notices I'm here. 

What made her sleep so stressful? After killing my master for her, she made the decision to abandon me.

I attempt to make myself hate her, to kindle the rage, and wake up the dark side in me against her, but it is useless.

Actually sitting on the corner of her bed tonight, the Force-bond is strengthening. The weight of my body makes indentations into her thin mattress. Even in her fretful slumber, she looks beautiful, awakening feelings in me I've never experienced before.  The Jedi Order forbids romantic attachments, but the Sith are different.  They encourage fulfilling carnal lusts.  Never experiencing desire for a woman that is more than just fleeting, I have been unable to feel a romantic attachment or love for a female other than my mother. 

So what am I feeling for this girl? Why does she have such a hold on me?  She's a filthy scavenger. She means nothing...but not to me.


Telling her this in Snoke's throne room months ago, I have never put myself out there for anyone before—never let myself look so vulnerable. The look on her face, one of surprise and wonder tells me she wants to say yes.

So why does she turn down the opportunity to join me and rule the galaxy? Why is this nobody of a girl so stubborn? You know why, Kylo, and you know she isn't a nobody.

I have heard of dyads in the Force from long ago, but it hasn't happened in the last five hundred years; very rare even then. 

Can that be what we are? Can she be my other half in the Force?

It explains my strange attraction to her but not her aversion to me. 

Remembering months back how well we fought together against the Praetorian Guards; fluid in our movements, using each other's bodies for offense and defense.  It felt so natural.



She stirs fitfully in her sleep, possibly about to awaken, but then settles back down.  A lock of hair has fallen across her face and I cannot help myself.  Reaching out and gently brushing it back, my fingers graze her skin sending tingles up my wrist. Why?  The next instant she jolts awake.


******************************************

REY


"Ben!"

Disoriented when I awake, for just a moment, I see him sitting on the corner of my bed; probably because I am dreaming about him.  This dream is a little different.  I am with Maz, when she talks with me after touching Luke Skywalker's lightsaber and having a strange vision.  She tells me whoever I am waiting for on Jakku is never coming back, but there is someone who still can.  I assume she means Luke.  Where the dream differs from reality is I notice Ben behind Maz. He stands tall, but not arrogant, his peaceful face revealing his ease.

"There is someone who still could." Maz repeats.

That is not about Luke. It's about Ben. He is the one who could still come back.

Maz continues to talk, "The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead."  As Maz says this, Ben walks from behind her and stands in front of me.  Gently reaching out and touching my cheek with his non-gloved hand, my face tingles and my stomach flips.  His dark eyes drill into mine, the catchlights making them sparkle as a small smile forms on his lips. His scar is gone—my scar.  The next instant, I wake up. Disappointed to find that he is not really here, his touch from the dream lingers on my skin.

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