Loaded Gun, Empty Arms

14. Hold Me

There was silence for a second, "Again? What are you talking about?" 

His voice was soft again. I flinched when there was a hand on my head, "Calm down, alright? I'm not going to hit you..." He started playing with my hair gently, "Deep breaths..."

I didn't realise how ragged my breathing was until he said that. I gulped and forced myself to regulate my breathing. I looked up again when it evened out again.

"There we go... Now, who hit you?"

I bit my lip and looked back down as I held myself, "I'm not allowed to say..."

"Why not?"

"Because... They'll hurt me again..."

"This again?" He sighed and sat next to me, "You're making this more difficult than it needs to be..."

I didn't respond and chewed on my lip. I scratched at my arms slightly as we sat in silence.

"Want to cut again?"

I tensed slightly and nodded hesitantly. He let out another frustrated sigh, "Alright. Let's go find something to distract you. Are you hungry?" 

I shook my head and stayed where I was, "Can I just cut? I'll let you do it again if you want...."

He was quiet for a minute, "How about we watch a movie?" I narrowed my eyes slightly when he ignored me. 

"Do you just want to go to sleep? Or I can get something for you, what do you want?"

I was quiet for a second and sighed. I remembered the cake I threw out and looked up. I spoke softly, keeping my voice small, "Cake with strawberries...?"

He nodded and got up. He held his hand out to help me up, "If it will get you to calm down."

I looked at his hand and hesitantly took it. He pulled me to my feet and I looked up at him. 

We stared at each other for a bit before he ruffled my hair, "Come on. I'll have someone get your cake."

I nodded and followed him back to the couch. I stopped about halfway and looked over at the bookshelves, "Uhmm..." 

He looked at me from the couch and looked at where I was pointing. He nodded before looking through his phone. 

Wait- phone?

I looked over at him again to see him holding a phone that looked new. I didn't know they still made actual phones. I just figured everyone used Scanners now.

I looked over at the book shelf and bit my lip again. It's been just as long since I've seen an actual book as well. I ran my hand over the books, tracing the spines with my fingertips. 

I smiled softly at the feeling and a familiar title caught my attention.

"When They Came"

I pulled it from its place on the shelf and flipped it over in my hands. I quickly read the summary on the back cover. I looked over at Todoroki to see him talking on his phone. 

I looked back down at the book and flipped it to the first page. I mouthed out the words as I read them. I ran my thumb over the rough paper, forgetting how much I loved the feeling. 

I brought it to the couch and sat on the end of it. I brought my feet up onto it and leaned against the arm rest. I smiled softly as I continued to read. 

It's been so long since I got wrapped up in a good book. The feeling was familiar yet foriegn at the same time.

It took place in a medieval era. The story showed a miller's point of view of how his kingdom was taken over.

"Do you like that one?"

I flinched and quickly turned towards the voice. Todoroki was leaning over the back of the couch. He looked at me, "That one is probably my favorite."

I looked at the book and shrugged, "It's ok. War isn't really my thing."

He leaned a bit closer, "What's your favorite genre then...?" 

His breath tickled my ear, causing me to blush and shiver, "Uhm... Romance..." 

"Really?"

I sighed and looked away, "It's stupid... I know..." 

He chuckled in my ear, "Not really. I enjoy a good romance every once in a while."

I felt my cheeks start to burn again, "Yeah..." 

I stared down at the page again, not being able to actually read until he pulled away. 

"Your cake will be here in about fifteen (15) minutes, is that alright? Or would you like something else?"

I shook my head, "I can wait..."

He hummed a response and sat on the couch across from me. He picked up his book from earlier and started reading again. I watched him for a minute and sighed. I focused back down on my book and continued to read.

I flinched when there was a knock on the door and looked up. I watched Todoroki get up and answer it. He took a white box tied with an orange ribbon and shut the door. 

"Still hungry?" 

I sat up a bit more and set the book down. He set the box down on the table and untied the ribbon. 

A small smile tugged at my lips at the cake inside of the box. It looked like the one I threw out, "Oh. Plates?"

He sat down and held up a pair of forks with a small smile, "Don't need them."

I chuckled softly and nodded. I took one of the forks and stabbed it into the fluffy cake. 

I closed my eyes as I chewed it slowly. The cake practically dissolved on my tongue and the frosting melted smoothly as well. I opened my eyes to see Todoroki offering me a strawberry.

I swallowed and looked at him, "Do you not like them?"

He shook his head, "Not really. Here."

I looked at the strawberry and opened my mouth for it. 

He raised an eyebrow and placed it on my tongue. I closed my mouth and he pulled the fork from between my lips. 

I chewed the strawberry slowly, loving the flavor. 

He smirked slightly and offered another strawberry. I took it after finishing the one in my mouth, not really thinking much of it.

This continued for a while. It took me a few more bites to realise he was feeding me. 

He offered another bite of the cake and narrowed his eyes when I turned away from it, "What? All done?"

I nodded and swallowed what was in my mouth. I looked down at the cake to realise I've eaten almost half of it. 

He set the forks down and wrapped up the cake again, "You were hungry, huh? You didn't really eat much earlier..."

I nodded slowly and covered my mouth as I yawned. He looked over at me and chuckled, "Finally ready to get some sleep?"

I nodded and stretched, "Yeah... Guess I just needed food."

He nodded and stood up, "I'll let you be then."

I watched him head to the door and bit my lip slightly, "You're leaving again...?"

He stopped and looked back at me, "Don't you want me to?"

I looked away and rubbed the back of my neck, "I... I don't want to be alone..."

He sighed and smiled softly, "Alright, what do you want then?"

"Can you..." I looked up at him. My face burned softly at my embarrassment, "Can you hold me? It's been a while and it feels nice..."

He chuckled and came back to the couch, "Sure..."

He sat down and pulled me into his lap before laying down. I laid my head on his chest and looked at the fire again, "Uhm... Thanks..."

"Anytime..." He started rubbing my back soothingly. I yawned and could feel myself start to drift off. I closed my eyes slowly before sinking into the darkness once again.