Titi Iku: Until Death (Sequel To Irikuri)

4-Until Happiness

All throughout lunch, all I could think about was how and why I hadn't noticed how absolutely fine the man in front of me was sooner. I mean sure, every now and then my eyes would linger on his abs while we worked out or sparred, and yeah sometimes when he bit his lip the right way I had to consciously fight against the instinct to melt, but this...This was something different. Everything he did gave me butterflies now. He grinned, flashing his dimples and pearly white teeth, when the server set his chicken and waffles in front of him. Usually that would prompt a smart comment from me about how his obsession with fried food would lead to a huge gut in a few years. But not anymore. No, at that moment all I could think about was how beautiful his smile was, and how I would melt like butter if he ever smiled that way at me. These thoughts of course prompted more thoughts to appear, disgusted by my initial ones. Before long there was a full on battle raging in my head, and I was powerless to stop it.

I think I'm in love with him.

Bitch shut up, you sound like a simp.

No bitch YOU shut up, I'm tryna get our man.

Pride first, man second.

If we carry on like this we're gonna be alone forever!

Which would you rather, a man that'll probably cheat or leave you anyways, or the pride that no one can take away?

Oop- you know what? You have a point! I hadn't thought that far ahead, but you right! Even if we lay it all on the line, he could leave us! Bitch that's crazyyy! You right as hell!

Of course I'm right, I can't remember a time I was goddamn wrong!

"......Nki? Nki? Nki! Have you heard anything I've been saying?" Ade tapped my hand with a look of concern and I snapped back to reality.

In my defense, I had started out with every intention of listening, then I got lost in the way his lips moved and his forehead crinkled when he spoke. I had spent a good three minutes struggling to get the same french fry in my mouth because I was so enamored with his face. I genuinely wondered how I had survived before. All of a sudden, he was so damn beautiful it was warping my senses and I couldn't concentrate. It got to the point where I got irritated by him even when he wasn't doing anything because everything about him was a distraction.

"Sorry, I just got wrapped up in my thoughts."

"Yeah I realized...does that happen a lot now? You seem so different, you're so off...Are you okay?" he laid his hand over mine on the table and I jumped, moving my hand down to my lap and wringing my fingers. 

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine of course."

"Uh huh..." He looked at me with concern and I looked down, focusing on my tenders and fries. Seeking comfort in food was something I had begun to overindulge in. Not to the point of an eating disorder, but I had definitely packed on a few pounds in the short month I'd been home. I had no complaints at all though. Before, between track, gymnastics, and martial arts, my build was very athletic and as long as I wasn't wearing something baggy, my athleticism showed on my body. I hated it, people underestimating me was my biggest advantage and my body made that a little harder, which is why previously I had taken to wearing baggy clothes anytime I could. After all my depressed eating though, my lil bit of chub hid my athleticism a bit better and gave me the advantage of catching people by surprise if needed. Plus, i thought the thickness looked good on me. My stomach was still tightly defined with my abs quite visible, but my ass was reaching its full potential, and my thick previously muscular legs were gaining some jiggle. By the time we left I had demolished my food and a large dessert. Afterwards I decided to head to where Ade was staying and shot my parents a text that I was with Asante. By the time we got to the hotel, the tension was unbearable and we were basically just having a constant staring contest. Ade lent me some sweats to borrow and the awkwardness was palpable as I shuffled to the bathroom silently to put them on. After what felt like forever, I exited the bathroom and accidentally bumped into him on the way out. I almost fell but when his hands gripped my arms and placed me upright the air flew out of my lungs. He said something I didn't hear because I was still stunned until I snapped out of it minutes later and sat myself on the edge of the bed where he was typing furiously on his computer. For a second we sat there, not saying anything, with nothing but the click-clack of his keyboard filling the air. Then a pillow sailed past my face. Just like that, the tension around us dissipated. It's crazy how it seems the pivotal points of our relationship always involve throwing of some kind.