Titi Iku: Until Death (Sequel To Irikuri)

28-Until Contingency

When I woke up, the first thing that hit me was that I hurt. Everywhere. Like I had been hit by a truck. For a second I was transported back to May when I was jumping off of buildings, stabbing kingpins, and feeling like this every night. Yet, this was different. I glanced over my shoulder and tumbled off of the bed, realizing what had happened. I looked up from the floor to make sure Ade's naked form was still sleeping, then I attempted to get up and tiptoe to the bathroom. I re-evaluated that when I realized I could barely walk, so I decided to crawl instead. I cringed at the thought of Ade catching me like this and sped up. Unfortunately, one knee on the creaky slab of our hardwood floor woke him up. He rubbed his eyes and seemed to go through the same process as I did, taking in his body's state then slowly realizing what we had done. The difference being that shortly after, he surveyed the room. As my eyes followed his own, I noticed many things I didn't see before. My project and workspace material discarded on the floor next to my desk, leaving its usually cluttered surface completely bare. I also noticed a couple of things broken, clothes on the floor, and other things that I simply refuse to mention. Mortified wasn't even the word for how I felt. I was snapped out of my embarrassment when Ade's eyes landed on me, and I quickly scrambled into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I sighed as the door shut behind me and my eyes focused on the figure in the mirror. I yelped when I realized the figure was me.

Girl, what the fuck happened to you?

As my eyes raked over my body, naked except for a loose oversized t-shirt, the memories of the night before came drifting back. There were bruises and handprints randomly splayed across my skin, but more than that my thighs and almost everything on my body hurt. I got angry for a second- wondering why the hell Ade needed to be so rough- until I remembered that the majority of my pain was probably caused by the literal acrobatics I was doing for half the night. I forced down a small smile as I looked in the mirror. As much as I was pissed off, these marks definitely made me feel different than the ones I got from Ximenes. I felt empowered, not battered. The fact that I could separate things he did to me from my life with Ade made me a little giddy. I remembered how Ade had made it so gentle, slow, and sweet until I interfered. I had initiated the second round by flipping our positions, mounting him like a stallion, and wrapping his hands around my neck. 'Bitch this is what you get for growing up listening to Megan thee Stallion. Big ole freak faceass.' I thought to myself, exasperated as I began brushing my teeth.

It wasn't like I was necessarily upset that I had sex with Ade, it was just that we had an agreement at the time. Ade and I were always planning and calculating. We knew that once we had sex, it would be an eventual one-way ticket to a kid that nobody needed. It wasn't like the child would be born out of wedlock, we'd be fine in the eyes of society, but that wasn't relevant to me. I had never had the intention of saving myself specifically for marriage, so the fact that I was 'married' didn't necessarily compel me to start having sex or have a child. I had remained a virgin as long as I had not because I gave a fuck what society thought of my sexuality, but because I was deathly afraid of pregnancy and honestly motherhood as a whole.

I was a planner, a controller, and that was one of the only chances of an uncontrollable factor in my life. Of course, there was the option of protection, but how many times do condoms fail? Even birth control is only 99% and that 1% has been fucking bitches over for a long ass time. I was in no place in my career, mental state, or relationship to be a mother and Ade had his own issues that put him in agreement with me. So, like the superior assholes we thought we were, we committed to somehow just being smarter and more restrained than almost every other couple on the planet as if it was that simple. We had no plans to abstain from touching each other altogether because our 'abstinence' was about nothing other than an obsessive fear of losing control. We did essentially everything else in the book but actual sex, and we were always satisfied (even though we were probably headed for hell).
That is why I was so baffled as to why I decided to take it further the night before. I asked myself what I gained besides sore thighs and marked skin, but then images of an especially compromising position flashed in my head. I remembered the tears streaming down my face and past my mouth which was producing sounds I didn't think I had the range for. I remembered looking down at Ade and feeling completely perfect, as close to him as I could be. I remembered feeling like I was ascending. Okay, I guess I gained that.