Does He Still Love Me?

Chapter 12

After Miyako walked away from him his fake smile dropped and a tear ran down his face. He couldn't be there anymore, he needed to go home.
--
He unlocked the door to the rrbz pent house and slammed the door shut after he walked in.
Brick was in the living room with a glass cup in his hand, "Dont-"
He was about to scold him for assaulting the door but boomer just walked past him without acknowledging his presence.
He stared at his retracting back with worry. He didn't know what else to do except follow him.
"Boom-" He had a door slammed in his face.
He didn't bother knocking as he walked in.
"Boomer, are you alright?" He stood at the door way with his hand still on the doorhandle.
Boomer was sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over and his head in his hands. He didn't seem to realize he wasn't alone anymore. That's how far away he was from reality. That's how he wanted it to be.
He didn't want to be in a reality with nothing but pain. He didn't want to be in a reality were Bubbles wasn't existing.
He had managed to forget his pain for a while deceiving himself that he was strong. Where was the strength now when he needed it the most.
His memories are forever loyal to pain.  
"Boomer." Brick repeated.
"What?"
"Whats up with you?"
He didn't lift his head, "I'm allowed to be in a bad mood, aren't i?"
"You are."
A heavy silence fell over them, neither of them were willing to break it.
Bricks question still floated in the air. When he lifted his head Brick noticed he was near to tears. His heart broke for his Brother. He knew Boomer was the emotional one of the trio meaning he cried a lot but this was different from tears. This was.....raw pain.
He sighed and ruffled his hair. "She called me Boomie."
His gaze fell back to the ground but his eyes was on something else.
"Who?"
"Miyako." He gritted his teeth.
His emotion were ranging from rage to sadness then to pain. He wanted to be alone at the moment.
"So? Butch and I call you Boomie sometimes."
"Thats-" he hissed, "i just..." he could feel the tears pooling up in his eyes, "i like her you know. When she....she just reminded me of Bubbles."
Brick remained frosen not knowing what to say. They never talked about that day; the day that changed everything. They couldn't believe what they had done, they couldn't even say it.
It was like a bad dream they couldn't wake up from. They ignored it, they like nothing ever happened meanwhile, it was killing them slowly.
"She sounded so much like Bubbles i could have sworn she was sitting right in front of me." He sniffed. "I saw myself hurting her all over again. It was so vivid. I've never felt more like a monster in my entire life. I ki........" he choked, "the only person that truly loved me and now i'm trying to be happy. What right do i have to move on? I don't get to be happy Brick. Bubbles should be the one happy not me. She should be alive not me."
"It wasn't our fault."
He laughed bitterly, "yes it was. We need to stop denying it. I should have killed myself when i found out-"
"She wouldn't want that." He interjected.
"She would have wanted to be alive!" He shouted. "She would have wanted to live." His voice was as broken as he was.
"What if they are still alive?" He asked boomer hopefully; he didn't believe the words coming out of his mouth though.
Boomer tensed where he sat; his jaw clenched.
"I sometimes feel her energy out there. Maybe we didn't-"
"No." He snapped at him.
Bricks words finally flipped a switch in his head. He was angry Brick would think of such a thing instead of admitting to their mistakes.
"We are too terrible to get a second chance. We are too terrible to even wish for it!" He got up and yelled. "We don't deserve it." His voice was soft but full of anger.
Not knowing what to say again he bowed his head in shame and regret as he walked out of his room. He knew Boomer was right, it was selfish of to wish for something like that But deep down he still wished they were alive, maybe he could make it up to her.
'Make it up to her how though? I almost killed her, i tortured her and there is no forgiving that.' He thought.
The door slammed shut at his absence.
"I don't want her to be alive." He whispered and fell back on his bed.
He took his phone from his pocket about to text Miyako not to come over anymore but he realised he never actually got her number. He laughed without humor.
Sorry this chapter is kinda short....i didn't just know what to write.
enjoy and i may not publish as often anymore please check out my other books though....thanks.
감사합니다. 안녕.