Open Case File [COMPLETED]

Finding Order

Clint squeezed Donovan's shoulder.

"I'm not ready. We've read a million books and everything seems to make sense but I don't know how to do this. Every day I fear for Carter. I want to protect her, keep her safe, but I always know that she can handle herself. She's been through hell and still comes through.

"A baby can't do anything for itself and I'm going to be useless to protect it from everything bad in the world. I've seen so much bad that I don't know how we can do this. How anyone can bring a kid into the world?" Donovan dropped his head, gripping his hair. "I'm powerless." 

"Yeah, you are," Clint said. "But that doesn't mean you're useless."

Donovan pinched his eyes. "I feel like I am right now."

"That's called being a father. I faced it when Eva was pregnant. Brock faced it with Ashley's pregnancy and James with Ali's. We've been waiting to see when you would hit this. I had a feeling it would be today. There's something about getting a room ready for a baby that makes it all real."

Closing his eyes, Donovan let out a shuddering breath. He willed his heart to stop freaking out but it continued to thud against his chest as he kept feeling that tiny foot over and over. "How do you deal with this? How do you handle feeling completely inadequate?"

Clint leaned against the ledge, staring out on the city. "One, you realize it's a feeling that never goes away. You will always feel like you're not doing enough for your kid or protecting them from it all. Two, you eventually come to terms with that. Three, you do all that you can do for them."

"I thought protecting Link for all those years would somehow prepare me but I don't know anything. He wasn't my kid, only a kid I had to take a bullet for."

Clint chuckled softly. "Parenting is like that. You'll do anything for your kid. But it's more than being willing to die for them, it's raising them to know why a sacrifice like that is worth it in this world."

Donovan shook his head. "How do you teach that?"

"By showing them each day that you love them and that when you love someone it means putting them first."

Taking a deep breath, Donovan stared out over the city. The miles of buildings all crowded with lives around him made him feel so small. Clint took hold of Donovan's shoulder and turned him.

"Listen," he said. "You're going to be okay. I've watched you put Carter before yourself, even put Link before yourself. Though you feel unprepared, you've actually been working up to this moment your whole life. You're going to make a great father."

"Says the man who just talked me down from a panic attack."

Clint smiled and jostled Donovan. "It's all part of the process. Every father has gone through it." He tilted his head down, holding Donovan's gaze. "You're not alone in this. We're all here for you. We got your six."

The words echoed from years ago stabilized Donovan, grounding him in a way that all the reassurances of before couldn't. Because he wasn't alone. He wasn't just a father, he was a husband to a woman who would face hell to protect the ones she loved. And he had brothers who would stick by him. He wasn't alone.

"Come on," Clint said. "Let's head back in. You don't want Carter to know you left to have a panic attack."

Laughing, the brothers returned to the apartment. When Donovan crept back into bed, Carter twisted around.

"Everything okay?" she said, her voice groggy.

Donovan slid in next to her and wrapped his arm around her stomach, hoping to feel the kick of his baby.

"We're having a kid," he said. "Everything's perfect."

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Hello and no.

No NO nO no No On nOo NNo no mo no no no no. I love you but no no no no No nO Nooo nOoOo! I'm not writing about the other babies, the brothers' wives, their weddings or any of that! I love you but I'm not.

*takes a breath* So...whatcha think about me chapter? 💬💭🗯👶🏽

You know I had to do this, Donovan is amazing and all but he's still human and he needed to have a moment of panic.

Now to something completely random. I love you and right now is really crazy in the world and I just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers! 🙏❤️ More than you could know!

Vote, comment, follow and make suggestions! (Anything that doesn't involve the brothers' wives)