Something Special

Chapter 31.

Tess's P.O.V

Shawn's face was blank, but I could tell he was intruiged with my songs. He smiled, a cute little smile at some parts, and at other times, I could see his eyes sadden. Matt's reaction was similar, and they both sat there judging my lyrics. I lunged at them before they could read farther. I snatched the book from Shawn's arms, and put it back in my suitcase.

"Tess, there's some really good stuff in there." Matt smiled.

"Yeah, your lyrics are beautiful." Shawn acted as if he couldn't believe himself. Matt pulled me onto his lap, and he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Anyone gonna wake up Cam?" I asked.

"Oh come on, he's so peaceful! I prefer him like this." Matt laughed and Cam chuckled.

"Oh! Your awake?" I asked.

"Yup." Cam grinned. I smiled a little.

"Seriously though Tess. Your songs are just wow." Shawn's eyes lit up. But a part of him was lying, a part of him was sad for some reason I couldn't quite guess. Cam sat beside me and Matt and Shawn on the floor.

"What lyrics?" He cooed.

"Uhh. No lyrics. Nothing. Nothing at all." I lied and leaned back onto Matt. Shawn was just watching me like I was this exotic and almost exticnt creature. I raised my eyebrows at him and he quickly looked away.

"So, what do you guys wanna do?" Cam asked.

"I dunno. We could play a game or something?" I lamely suggested.

"Okay. How bout we make out with you, and thennn... You love us??" Matt said all girly and we all laughed.

"Um no." I ruffled up his hair and he shrieked.

"Omg! You messed it up!" We all laughed again at Matt's hilarious girl voice.

"In hungry so who wants to help get food?" Cam asked as he stood up.

"I'll help." Matt waved one hand crazily in the air. I got off of his lap and him and Can walked towards the door.

"Bye guys, behave yourselves!" Cam pointed a finger at us. I laughed nervously with Shawn And then the door shut behind Cam and Matt, and we were left in silence.

"So, what's up?" I asked as I scooched closer to Shawn.

"Not much. You?" Shawn moved closer to me, and we sat almost touching... On the big hotel bed.

"Same." I nodded. I rested my head agaisnt Shawn's shoulder, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"What's wrong?" I asked sitting up.

"I want to say nothing, but then I'd be lying." He moved farther away from me.

"Why so moody, Mendes?" I playfully hit his shoulder but he didn't seem to be laughing.

"STOP. Tess, just stop!" He stood up and walked towards the window.

"What do you mean?" I asked in barely a whisper.

"I mean STOP playing with our emotions! We all like you Tess, in case you haven't noticed. But, yo-you keep pushing us around and pulling on our strings like were puppets. Well guess what? WERE NOT PUPPETS. Tess, you have no idea how hard it is to not wanna get in your pants right now. I still wanna get in your pants, yet here I am yelling at you! Matt and Cam are my friends though, and I don't want to see them get hurt, or anyone get hurt. They like you just as much as I do, and they would like the opppurtunity to make out with you, just as much as I do. So JUST STOP making all of us want to, but then just abandoning us for one of the others. Stop teasing, stop playing, and make up your mind! You can't have all of us Tess, but we all want you."

My eyes were stinging but I blinked back the tears.

"Shawn, I'm not trying to hurt you... Any of you!" I sniffled quietly.

"You ever think that maybe you guys are hot to? I wanna have sex with you guys too!" I widened my eyes.

"Then do it! Come on, right now! Let's just fuck!" Shawn started to undo his belt buckle and I giggled. I really really badly wanted to.

He froze, staring at me, I turned away but he grabbed my wrist. My horrible, horrible, wrists. His beautiful eyes stared into my teary ones and then he peered at my wrist. He saw the lines, 1,2,3 and so on, perfectly allighened on my arm. My cuts.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" His eyes became teary too.

"I don't, I used to." I looked down at the floor.

"Your beautiful, thin, gorgeous, smart, kind, and amazingly talented. Why did you ever feel the need to do this?"

He tilted my chin up to him with his fingers and a tear ran down my cheek. All I could do was limply shrug. He pulled my body into his arms, and he wrapped himself around me. He ran his fingers across my face and wiped my tears away. I pulled away and Shawn re did his belt buckle.

"You can tell me Tess. I won't judge." He reached out to hold my hand, and I let him. How was I supposed to tell him that he is the reason? How can I say that all the guys here, including him... That they did this to me.

"It was a long time ago. Get over it Shawn." I pull my fingers away from his, and his face is offended but still sad.

"I can't get over it Tess. Look. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has secrets. It's just that your-your mistakes, your secrets... I feel like their mine." I looked up at his face. Why was it so hard to read his emotions? How come he reads mine so easily? I sigh.

"Well, their not yours. Their mine, and they always will be, so back off." I stand up but Shawn pulls me back down.

"What?" I say through clenched teeth. It's hurting me right now to hold back the tears. I miss him so much but I can't forget what he did. I want him back but I shouldn't have him. I like all three and each of them give me undivided attention. I don't get it. Shawn grabs me and pulls me in for a hug. I inhale his smell and I try to savour the moment of just being here with him, but he lets go. I wish he hadn't let go. I smile at him then turn away. Because I'm crying, and I don't want him to see me crying. So I sit silently on the bed, facing the opposite direction of him, and I do what I'm best at. I cry.