Your Hearts A Mess. (Ryden Fanfic)

Chapter 21: To Fear, Doubt, and Distrust.

    I thought the world was spinning once again. I thought that maybe he would forgive me and come back for good. I thought the kisses we shared last night meant something, not the way he's looking at me now.

I woke up and found Ryan sitting straight up on the bed with a scared expression that tells me he thinks we hooked up last night. I look up at him and wait for him to say something, to stop staring into space like a lost puppy.

  "Did we sleep together?" He asks hesitantly and checks down at my bare chest and his. I kind of want to mess with him but I know that now is not the time.

  "No, you got drunk and you couldn't drive, so I let you stay." I shrug and sit up, messing with my hands. He looks like he's in relief and smiles.

  "Oh thank god." He chuckles and plops back to lay down. My heart shatters a bit and my facial expression drops. I turn to the window and hug myself a little, feeling my skin on my shoulder blade. "N-no, I didn't mean it like that, Brendon." He sighs and sits up on the bed again, me feeling his eyes on my back.

  "Yes you did. You totally didn't cheat on your boyfriend. Good job." I almost scoff because he totally kissed me and that sorta counts as cheating. I mean if I was his boyfriend and he kissed another guy I would be pissed.

"But--oh shit. Brendon, I totally did cheat on him. Crap!" He finally realizes and jumps off the bed, tugging on his original clothes. I turn around to the lost body on the bed and look up at him changing. "It didn't mean anything, okay!" He yells a bit strangled, like he's trying to hurry.

   My heart shatters once again by this stupid boy and I squeeze the bridge of my nose. "If it didn't mean anything then why did you kiss me." I shoot back and get up, blocking him from the door. "Why do you have so much fear for Dan over a kiss?" I ask him and he gives me a sympathetic look.

  "Because I don't want to lose him." He says and pushes past me and I fight back screams. I catch up to him and shove him against a wall. "I love him, okay!" He shouts at me, a shine in his eye.

  "No you don't." I doubt him and he pushes away from me, shaking his head. "You don't mean anything you say!" I almost cry.

  He scoffs and shakes his head. "Your insane Brendon." He says harshly and it burns as he walks out my door. "I thought I could trust you but I can't." He shows me distrust and goes down the steps. I want to fall over.

  I'm in my boxers and it's still raining but fuck it. I go down the driveway to catch up to him. "I confess my love to you and why do I get this?!" I shout and a tear slips by accident.

  "Because your too late." He says.

  "Love's never too late." I say instantly, standing my ground and taking his hand.

   "Just forget about me, okay? Don't think about me, don't remember me don't even look at me and maybe you'll be okay." He shoots and tugs away as my tears fall.

  How can I forget the love of my life, the one I want to marry, live my life with. It's impossible, I can't find anything else.

    "Alright, everything is alright since you came along. And before you, I had nowhere to run to, nothing to hold on to! I came so close to giving up. And I wonder if you know, how it feels to let you go? To tell you how I feel. Know I try to tell you that I need you.Now here I am without you. I feel so lost but what can I do? Cause I know this love seems real but I don't know how you feel. We say goodbye in the pouring rain and I broke down as you walk away. Cause all this time I've felt this way, but I could never find the words to tell you. Stay." I cry at him and he gives me a longing look for awhile, shaking his head and walking to his car.

   He drove away and I broke down in the pouring rain. I shriveled down to the floor and put my head in my knees, crying out. I love Ryan Ross too much, fuck.

(Dan's p.o.v) *Only this once*

   My boyfriend has been gone a lot lately ever since Brendon, his ex-bandmate, left the house. I'm getting worried because of two reasons. 1) He's always gone. 2) He's been gone for a day and a half.

  I'm really starting to hate the Brendon kid, he seems like all he wants is my Ryan. He's taking my boyfriend away, literally. I barley see Ryan anymore.

   I mean I hope Ryan won't be my boyfriend when I tell him something tonight at our favourite restaurant. We haven't been dating long, but I know I want to see him for the rest of my life. I love him.

   I was currently sitting on the couch, watching some t.v. drama I watch every Wednesday and suddenly the door opens with a tattered Ryan. Oh god, he better not have done what I think he did.

   I bounce off the couch and rush over. "Where the fuck were you? I was worried sick baby." I say and attack him in a hug, still kinda mad. I have a damn right to be mad.

  Ryan shrugs and hugs back, but it's not the same. After the hug he puts his stuff down and hangs his coat, going to plop on the couch. I cautiously follow and cuddle into his lap and he strokes my blonde hair. "Where were you?" I ask him, looking up into his shining eyes.

  "With a friend." He says and rubs my back, focusing on the t.v. more than me trying to talk to him.

  "Which friend?"I ask. I have right to know where my boyfriend is going and spending nights.

  "Brendon." He shrugs, shifting a bit as I flinch. I knew it.

  "Why did you spend the night?" I question and my eyebrows furrow.

  "I got drunk, didin't want to drive home wasted." He simply says and I sigh. "Don't worry about it." He adds and I fuse.

  "I think I have a damn right to worry about what the hell you were doing with your ex." I shoot back and he turns his attention to me. Busted.

  "We weren't together, never were." He says with a sad expression. I scoff and shift on his lap to look at him directly.

  "Bull shit. I see the way he looks at you and me. He's jealous." I tell him angrily as he rolls his eyes.

  "Then that's his problem." He grits his teeth and shoves me off his lap, going down the hall.

  "Ryan." I sigh and go down with him, hugging him from behind. "Come on, I'm sorry. I trust you, okay? I don't trust him." I say and kiss his neck. "Lets go get dinner?" I ask. He doesn't know I made reservations.

   He turns around in my arms and gives me a small smile. "Okay." He pecks my lips.

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   I take him to our favourite restaurant and sit us down, smiling at him lovingly. I really hope he doesn't freak out. I decided to do this today because it's the date of when we first kissed, the 18th. I mean it was a couple months ago but I still count it.

  "So whats this about?" He chuckles and I grin, taking a bite of a piece of bread from bread basket.

  "Well," I say and finish chewing, putting the bread down. "You know I love you and you love me, right?" I say happily and he nods slowly. "I want us to be together for a lifetime and promise each other love." I say and stand up, he puts his hand over his mouth.

   "I love you so much." I say and get on one knee and he gasps as I take out the little box, opening it to present it.

"Marry me?"