Your Hearts A Mess. (Ryden Fanfic)

Chapter 11: This Makes No Sense.

   The rest of the visit with the boys sped by like a cheetah. They were intoxicated while I sat on the couch and watched them. Spencer wouldn't let me near alcohol or cigarettes. He took them all away from me.

        I left my home to Ryan's apartment and luckily when I got there Dan and Ryan weren't fucking. But I came home to a more interesting sight.

       Dan was sitting on the couch with a long face, it was obvious he was mad or sad. Hopefully it's both. I have no sympathy towards him. Well of course it's not his fault for falling for my Ryan, I mean come on he's perfect.

        I set my keys in my bag and looked at him in a (fake) concerned look, as if I cared. "What's wrong Dan?" I coo and sit next to him.

     He puts his hands on his head and groans. "Ryan is mad at me or something." He sighs. I contemplate my options. I could either help him and see Ryan happy or I could sabotage their relationship and karma will bite me in the ass. "He just has been acting different lately."

      I almost smirk, but I catch myself. I put a nice hand on his shoulder. "I'll go talk to him for you." I say and get up, my stomach burning with desire to finally be able to talk to Ryan.

       I go down into the hallway and open the door to their room. Ryan looks up at me and smirks from the bed.

I forgot why I was in here.

        "Hey, your back late." He chuckles. "I thought I was going to have to go get you or something." His sudden mood changes are so strange, but I'm not complaining. I smirk too and sit on the bed as well.

       "Nah, the guys were just getting drunk." I laugh.

    "I guess you were serious when you said you weren't going to drink. You don't even seem tipsy." He points out and scoots closer.

     "I'm not drunk." I state and roll my eyes. He raises an eyebrow. Suddenly he shoves me a little and I crash down.

     "Your reflexes suck." Ryan laughs and sit back up and chuckle, only pointing out that I have terrible reflexes when I'm tired. "Yeah, yeah." Ryan teases and rolls his eyes.

       I'm such a good person I hate myself. "So what's up with Dan and you, I mean he's pretty sad I think." I manage to say without wanting to cry out. He hummed and looked away from me, scooting back to hid original spot.

        "He--" Right then, Dan walked in with a new smile, asking Ryan if he wanted to go get ice cream. Ryan looked away from me and then at his boyfriend, nodding. He glanced back at me with a questioning look. I know his looks by heart.

       "It's alright. I need to work on some stuff anyway." I stiffly nod and put on a fake smile, I'm good at that. He nods and ushers everyone out of his room and he Dan leave.

         I sigh and collapse on the couch. I hate my life. I hate Ryan. I hate Dan. I hate being alone. I hate being in love with Ryan even when it's clearly obvious he's gotten over me.

       I actually kind of regret not going now, I'm actually pretty hungry. I could starve to death like usual or I could actually get some food in my system for once. I decide to get up and check the kitchen.

          I look around the cabinets, counters, and-- my eyes freeze when I see a large stack of papers which looks like they are taxes. I reach for the first one and I was right. It was large stack but I couldn't help but notice the little crease hiding in the middle of it all.

      My curiously takes over me and I lift the white papers until it reveals the things that was place in the middle of the stack. My heart freezes, breath caught in my throat, and I feel like I could scream.

       Hidden in the middle of the paper stack, was a picture frame of Ryan and I, side hugging and smiling widely. We were the happiest we ever were back then. I shudder and let a couple tears fall onto the glass pane of the frame.

       This makes no sense. Why would he still have this picture? Well he did have all the panic! stuff.

       I stare at it for a second and I swear I feel like I was zoomed back in time.

*Flashback*

    Snap!
     The photograph was taken of me and Ryan in front of the tour bus for the Honda Civic tour. My arm was sneaking around his waist, nobody noticed me feeling the skin beneath his red shirt that was actually mine.
       Once the picture was done, I hesitantly took my hand away, I never want to let go. He looked at me and gave me a shy smile, I know that smile. He's happy.
        We have been together for months now, ever since the end of the Nothing Rhymes With Cirus tour. It's been happy relationship, we are strong as bulls. Well I mean, were not physically strong like them, but emotionally we are.
        "Hey come on in guys!" Jon calls from inside the bus. "It's improved this year!" He adds and we all walk in, me purposely brushing by hand over Ryan's thigh.
       The bus was better than last year, it was tidy and fresh. The bunks even had a door to them and a back lounge, including a small kitchen and a bathroom. I took note of the bunks, trying to see which one is bigger. What? How else are me and Ryan going to have sex with a tiny bunk. Ryan's not flexible, trust me.
         I chose the top bunk in the end, Ryan under me of course. The rest of the crew were outside discussing rollcall and procedures of tour. I didn't need to hear them again, neither did Ryan. So we lie in my bunk alone, huddled closer together.
       "I don't know what I would do without you." Ryan mumbles against my neck. I trail my hand down to his thigh.
      "I don't think I would have fallen in love with you if I hadn't met you." I blurt without even thinking and he looks up at me with loving eyes. I close the gap between us and tighten him against by body, softly kissing his soft lips. "I am falling in love with you." I say against his mouth.

*End of Flashback*

        

            That was day I realized Ryan was my soul-mate or some shit. That was the day I realized I was in love with Ryan Ross.

         I shake my head and put the picture back.

I write,

"We were wrecked on every rock you tasted
Light a cork my pretty little angel
I’m singing to empty bottles everywhere, everywhere
But he didn't come and speak to me,Or put my heart at ease.
And I believe that half the time
I am a wolf among the sheep
Gnawing at the wool over my eyes."
-Day 9.