Your Hearts A Mess. (Ryden Fanfic)

Chapter 28: Busy the Mind till the Devil comes.

*1 month later*

It's been a month since I confirmed the band, I have to admit I'm terrified. The album is almost finished since ever since the split I've been writing like mad so it wasn't that hard to find lyrics. Spencer likes all them, I mean he messes with them a little but he thinks they're good, so that's easy.

Dallon and Ian seem to be fine with anything we do, no opinions really. I don't mind but whatever floats their boat.

We got 7 songs done, surprisingly. I mean we still have to finish the others and pick and chose what we want on the album. I have so many songs that Spencer wants to have bonus tracks, I'm okay with it. Maybe Ryan will buy it and sit down, listen through each and every fucking word and realize that he's the one that made the mistake.

Speaking of Ryan, I haven't seen him since we bumped into each other at the store. I'm kind of glad because it's keeping me away from any distraction. He's the muse to my music but I don't need to interfere with him to get the inspiration, I have too much.

Too many memories to remember and too many events to write about.

Of course all my songs are about Ryan, what else do I write about? He's the most important thing in my life ever since 2004. I can't write about the band, which is the second thing on my list. Family third.

Hell, I haven't talked to my family in months. I can't worry about them if they never reply to my calls.

Currently the band and I were in the studio, finishing up a recording for a new song.

"Should have known right from the start
You can't predict the end.

Oh Memories,
Where'd you go?
You were all I've ever known,
How I miss yesterday.
How'd I let it fade away..."

I sang into the microphone, closing my eyes in feeling. This song is exactly one of my feelings, fuck I hope it's not too obvious. That's basically what Spencer and I have been worrying about for every fucking song.

"Nice job Bren." Ian smiles from the other side of the glass once I was done. I smile at my friends softly and take off the headset, leaving the little glass box. "It turned out great, you barely even need tuning." He chuckles and I grin.

Spencer and Dallon nod. I'm grateful to have a nice band, I just hope they aren't lying. Ryan used to breathe down my neck all the time, telling me to go higher, lower, I wasn't that great, I need to belt it more, stop fucking around.

I guess it's nice to have some support from my band members.

Maybe it was just Ryan, because Spencer and Jon never said anything. They just agreed to what ever was being said at the moment.

"Alright, I'm gonna head home." Dallon yawns and I nod, as well as Spence and Ian.

We pack up and head our separate ways. I drive home in silence, not even singing to the radio. I haven't been doing that a lot, I mean. I'm not my old self. Probably because I'm not happy?

I am somewhat happy, but I can't help but feel empty.

I get out of my car, leaving the gear in for tomorrow. Traveling up the porch, I stop and grab my mail. I head inside and toss the mail onto the table before getting a bear, a light yellow envelope sticking out.

I raise my brow and sit down, setting my beer on the table as I grab the random envelope. I wonder whats inside.

I don't waste any time thinking before I open it, taking out the cardstock. I flip the paper around and look at the top.

Two grooms on top of a cake, laced in blue ribbon. Fuck no. I read further down and my stomach bubbles, tears threatening to spill out of my sad eyes.

"Come join us to witness the marriage of,
Ryan Ross and Dan Keyes..."

I didn't even want to read any further cause I was angry and my eyes were to blurry with tears to carry on with those stabbing words. Fuck him.

I heard a knock at the door and grumble, throwing the invitation at it. I whimper into my hands and cry softly, my head in my arm on the table.

The door opened and I heard Spencer's voice. "Oh Bren, I'm so sorry." He rushes and comes over, pulling me into a hug. "I got the invitation too." He whispers and I cry harder. "Shhh Brendon, it'll be okay."

"He actually went through with it." I choke and grip Spencer soft shirt, probably making wrinkles. "He doesn't love Dan!" I burst. "He doesn't want Dan, he may not want me but he's getting himself into something stupid." I sob and throw my hands up. "I don't wanna go." I whisper.

Call me a bad friend but I don't feel like crying in the middle of their ceremony. "I know but it's the right thing to do." He sighs.

I stop and get up quickly. "Brendon, what are you doing." Spencer says in that warning voice, as if I was going to do something bad.

"I'm tired of everything. I just need to get some things off my chest." I mumble and open that contact I haven't opened in awhile, telling him to leave his door open.

I storm out before Spencer could pep talk me into staying hidden in the shadows of insecurites. I need to let this out.

I drive to that stupid complex, getting out and going up the stairs in a rush. I run down the hall and find his door that was open, he listened.

I go in and wipe my cheeks, meeting eyes with him as he stared at me from the couch.

I was silent, looking over at him and try not to glare. I breathe in and out to match his breaths, my hands twitching at the sweat leaking from my palm.

"Are you serious Ryan? You invite me to your own fucking wedding." I look up at him, a glare escaping. My voice raises a bit, "Why would you send a person that's still fucking in love with you to your own wedding!" I shout and he keeps looking at me.

"You came to fight?" He scoffs and stands up, coming over to me and invading my space. "You can't just say thank you? I wanted you to be there cause you're my friend." His voice rises in volume.

I scoff. "Oh don't pull that friend shit with me! We've never been just friends, you couldn't even pull it off last month when you completely left me!" I shout and he pushes me back away from him. "Why are you pushing me away when you're the one that got close?" I growl and he rolls his eyes.

"Stop being delusional, I love someone else!" He says but his eyes don't look honest, they're nervous, He doesn't mean it.

"Oh, is this the guy you love?" I scoff as a confused Dan walks in. I glare at him and go over. You know what, fuck it. "I know you've never liked me, and guess what. I don't like you either." I say and he raises his fist, I dodge before he can punch. "What the fuck?!" I yell and glare at Dan.

"Get the fuck away from my fiance!" He glares and I push him away from me , he looks at me and smirks, launching towards my body. We were in a storm of punches before something pulled me away. Ryan.

I struggle against his arms, his hands touching me everywhere to keep me in place as he leads us to the door forcefully. He curses, "Fuck you." and pushes me out of the apartment, his hand on my ass he pushed.

"You're not invited to the wedding anymore!" He yells at me once he closed the door, leaving us in the hallway, alone. My mouth opens and closes, unable to find words.

"I didn't even wanna go anyway." I growl once I found the words.

"Just leave, god. You make things so difficult." He says and pushes me a little but I push him back, looking up into his eyes, hurt at his words. It's crazy how things have gotten, he hates me but I don't hate him.

We stare for a second, his eyes softening as we look into each others eyes. "I didn't mean that." He whispers and looks away. "You should go, it would be easier." He whispers, glancing back at me.

I nod and start to walk to the stairs.

"Brendon!" He calls and I turn around. "Take care okay?"

I look at him for a second and nod. "Goodbye Ry." I give a small wave, turning around and letting my heavy feet lug me out.