Your Hearts A Mess. (Ryden Fanfic)

Chapter 17: Push Me Behind The Winds.

Visions of happiness flowed my mind as I slept. I saw Ryan and I walking on the beach, hand in hand, as we admired the sun. The way the sun was shining when we knew he was patiently waiting for his moon. The moon never came. That's when things started slipping away. Ryan was taken, being dragged into an ocean of restraint. The sand kept me in place, letting the sun shine down on me for a new day to come without my moonshine. See, well that's impossible.

I woke up with a start, that harsh reality disguised as a nightmare, fading away from my sight. The scene stained my mind, made my head hurt, or it's just my fever. I sat up and held my head, fuck it still hurts. I'm not shaking anymore, but I'm still cold. Ryan isn't here either, that's probably why it's so cold. Maybe he's the cure.

I chuckle to myself at my insane assumptions, mentally hitting myself in the head. I can never be cured, the love that long faded away in his heart flowed to mine.

I sigh and get up, wrapping myself in a blanket. I fix my hair before reaching the bedroom door and stepping into the hallway. I walked carefully down to the living room and spotted Ryan watching a documentary on sea animals and Dan doing paperwork in the far corner.

This is not what I expected, I'm actually kind of nervous. I bit my lip and went to go sit by Dan. "What's up?" I try to be friendly. He scoffs and twidles his yellow pencil, chewing his lip.

"Just taxes." He mutters, giving me straight attitude before looking away. I look over at Ryan with confused eyes, as if I don't already know what's going on, and he's focused on the t.v. It doesn't even look like he's watching, he's just staring with a pissed off look.

"I should get going." I say and put on my shoes. Ryan pops his head towards me, he noticed. I put on my coat and slug my bags over my shoulders, tucking my journal and lyric book away.

"Why?" Ryan asked and stood up, walking over to me slowly. I stride to the door and shrug, looking over at Dan. He looks smug. "Your still sick." Ryan announced. I nod and look at the 'happy' couple.

"I guess I just don't want to be here when you guys need to work things out." I say without even breaking. I left before he could respond, closing the door.

I leave that place like I have every time before. This all to familiar. I never want to be there again, fuck.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

A week flowed by, just draining myself in coffee and tea. My fever went away so I could go back to alcohol anytime I want, but I've grown quite fond of this coffee I'm drinking. It's like this chai coffee. It's weird.

I've been doing okay. Who am I kidding, I'm a mess like always. Pete and Spencer came over the other day, watching movies until I fell asleep. They said they plan on distracting me until I forget about Ryan. I can't, don't you see? Everything reminds me of him.

I look at a flower and see his heart, I see a tree and think of his limbs, I see a pool and think of how deep I've fallen in love with him. At the moment, I'm staring down at my backyard from my balcony, sipping my chai coffee.

Pete offered mental institution as a second best option considering the plan isn't going to work out anymore. Haven't seen him since that day. Maybe I did the right thing. Maybe it's Dan he wants or needs. I just wish he knew how much I cared or how much I'll be there for him.

We could be 10 years down the road and if he tweets about something, I'll be there to talk to him. Even if he hates me. It's kind of what people in love do. You sacrifice yourself in pain to make the other person happy. You know the term if your happy, I'm happy? That doesn't work for me. I know deep down in my sad heart there is a spark of somewhat happiness for him, but it's all speaking the truth. I love him and I'm still sad.

I take a deep breath and exhale as I watch the nature. Mornings are always like this, long and brooding. I sigh and close my eyes until I heard and unexpected knock. Who the he'll would knock at 10 a.m.? I walk over and set my mug down at the coffee table, putting my hands in my sleeves and wiping my cheeks. I walk down the 3 steps that lead to the door and swing it open.

I swear I almost fell back and that my heart dropped.

"Uh-hey." He waved and messed with the hem of his sleeves. "Can I come in?" He asks and motions to inside my house. I couldn't let this cold angel freeze out here. I nod and let the brown haired man inside.

We go to the couch, awkwardly, sitting strangely far away. "What's up, Ryan?" I question and take a sip of my coffee before putting it down again. He sighs loudly and looks around my house.

"Dan and I are good now." He says and messed with a thread of his sweater that fits him really well. I bite the inside of my cheek and nod, pursing my lips.

"Cool." Is all I say, looking away from his stare.

"Listen, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He said and I looked back into his eyes. He kind of lifted my spirits.

"For what?" I play stupid.

"Everything." He simply says and bites his lip. What does this mean? Does that mean like--

He got close to me and wrapped me into a hug. Friend-zoned. I wrap my arms around his middle and enjoy the touch, this may be my last touch from him. I am careful not to hug too hard because I just want to crash against him and tell him I love him. Instead I just put my face in his shoulder.

"I have to go." He then says. My dream was broken, shattering. I nod and begin to pull away, but he keeps me in place.

"Why'd you come over?" I ask. I was curious because he literally come over for 1 minute and 30 seconds. What? I'm not counting.

"I want to make sure I'm not losing you." He says and pulls away, giving me a little grin before leaving my house. I smile to myself once he's gone.

"You never lost me Ross." I sigh into the empty air of my house.

TEAM DAN

OR

TEAM BRENDON.