Your Hearts A Mess. (Ryden Fanfic)

Chapter 5: New Perspective.

I hate them so much. They are making me put most of my t-shirts in paper bags and throwing them up in my closet. Apparently it's not mature? It's time to be an adult? I never wanted to an adult.

"But I really like that shirt!" I whine at Pete who is trying to put my yellow shirt with an orange pattern on it, in the bag. "Don't worry about it. I'm not throwing it away, so you'll still have it." Pete says like it's no-big-fucking-deal. It kind of is when pretty much all your clothes are up in your closet now.

They finished shoving my clothes up into the shelf above my hangers and closed my closet. "Alright put on your shoes, I'm calling a house cleaner." Pete tells me before putting his phone against his ear. Why do I listen to him again? Oh Yeah. Cause he practically owns my band.

I guess this is really it, I'm turning into a man. I want to cry and shout, I want to a be a helpless boy. I'm not good with responsabilty either. I get on my beloved converse that I have owned ever since the Honda civic tour, and I also grabbed my phone before meeting the boys out in the car. "The house cleaners will work on the house while were gone." Pete says while twisting the keys and the car roars.

We drive off to the Hollywood shopping center. The place where all the latest and most expensive fashions are sold. I don't belong here. I belong in like a target or something.

We get out and go to some random store that I don't bother knowing the name of. Pete immediately merges to the shoes, Spencer to the pants, and Patrick to the suits? I go to where I'm most comfortable. The underwear.

I grab a 8 pack of boxers, a 6 set of briefs because you never know when your gonna need to show off your ass. I mean it would be pretty cool if me and Ryan had sex-- what the hell am I thinking?

I shake my head and go to the jackets. I grab a leather jacket that I am very fond of and a couple sweaters. They are cute okay.

I head over to Pete, who apparently has like 6 boxes of shoes in his hands. Why am I letting him pay again? Oh yeah. Cause he's in Fall Out Boy.

He hands me the boxes and I almost drop them cause I'm carrying a bunch of shit right now. He continues to look, placing a couple more boxes on top of the stack.

"Okay, try all these shoes on." He tells me and I sit down on the white cushion, taking off my converse. "Your shoes are beginning to become a wreck, plus you need more professional ones." I roll my eyes and open the first box. They are black leather shoes that are so... formal.

I try them on and Pete says they are good so he puts them in the 'yes' pile. I try on the other ones. I found a couple pairs that I like. Black boots, some other leather shoes, some fancy tennis shoes. I sneak a new pair of grey converse in the mix. I have a total of 9 pairs of shoes currently sitting on top of my clothing pile in the corner. With my jackets and underwear as well.

I go over to Spencer and he seems to know more of my style as he hands me dark blue skinny jeans, more jeans, some black slacks, some other weird black pants, and more jeans. In the end I have a total of 13 pairs.

I head over to Patrick finally and I'm honestly kind of afraid. But I was proven wrong when he shows me a regular black suit, knitt grey suit with a green bow-tie, and a polyester one. I nod and add them to the pile. This is going to be over $500 dollars. Shit.

I head over to the shirts and grab a bunch because they are on clearance. I got a lot of formal white shirts, long sleeves, t-shirts with that one pocket on them, and a lot more.

There wasn't as much color in my new bunch of clothes as I would have liked, but that's okay.

We paid with a big finish of $800 dollars, Pete didn't mind. We all came out of the shop with bags in our hands, completely full.

"Thank you." I say to them and they nod with a approving smile.

"Alright it's time for a haircut." Pete says excitedly and begins to walk to the other side of the shopping center. I really hope I'm just getting a trim.

We walk into the barber shop, ladies chopping guys hair and they turn to look at me. I glance away and set all of my bags in the corner with a plant.

Pete talks to the guy at the counter, and suddenly I am in the barber chair, and he starts to cut.

"Wait! What is he going to do?" I say worriedly to Patrick and he just tells me it'll be fine. It's not fine when the lady takes a big chunk of my long hair and cuts it. How about I cut you bitch?

I close my eyes because I don't want to see the damage.

"Shave him too." Pete tells the lady and slips her a ten. I then felt her razoring the hair off my face. Maybe I won't be a lumberjack anymore with a moustache.

She snips more at my hair for ten more minutes and then she says she's finished. I take a deep breath and open my eyes and I'm facing my friends who look at me with wide expressions. It's bad isn't it?

I quickly turn to the mirror beside me and almost scream. My facial hair is all gone there is literally no stubble, baby soft. My hair.. my hair is insane. It's framed to the side, not the middle and it's short, but the Top kind of swoops over. (A/N: it's v&v hair)

I stare at myself for what seems like hours but it's only been a minute. I turn to look at my friends and they are all smirking smuggly.

"You look hot!" Pete exclaims and I look away because I feel like all eyes are on me now. Imagine Ryan's face when he sees me. The new me. I shiver at the thought.

We leave and take our stuff, finally going to my home.

I came home and suddenly felt refreshed because it smells like cleaning chemicals and-- vanilla. I let out a shaky breath and begin to lug all my new crap to my bedroom even though the smell makes me want to cry.

That was the smell of Ryan. He always smelled like fresh vanilla when we toured, or even when we chilled at his house. Those were the good days when he loved me and-- stop thinking about that.

I think of what to wear. Should I show up hot or wrecked? I turn to Spencer who just looked at me and gave me a sincere smile. He never does that. I mean come on, he's Spencer Smith the eye-rolling flawless bitch.

"Hey." I say quietly and begin to look through my bags. "Are you okay?"

He chuckles. "Yeah I'm completely fine. You just look so grown up, it's insane really, like a whole new person. And plus, I'm really proud of you." He tells me and looks at the stuff in my bag.

"For what?"

"For getting the courage to face that asshole and ask to stay with him for awhile...with his boyfriend. It's really brave cause you know... you love him." He states. I understand. I'm practically putting myself to my own death, but it's worth a shot. Our love is worth a shot.

I smile at him. "Help me pick out stuff." I say happily even though I'm dying on the inside.

He gets out my duffle bag and a little of need stuff in it, along with some of my old t-shirts and pj pants from 2009. I get a separate bag for my electronics, lyric books, a book, journal, headphones, ipod, and bathroom ideals.

I finish off with two bags in my hand, my hair is still looking the same, dark blue jeans, black leather shoes, white T-shirt, and a black blazer to kick it off. I feel different and I'm not sure if I like it.

I tell the boys that they can come back to my house for meetings ya' know, to tell them my progress. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm going to go ask to stay with the love of my life for a little while. The thought makes me want to vomit. Dan makes me want to die.

Well I better get on my way before another X goes down on the Calender because it's now or never.