On the way to Hoornsemeer, Peter and I chat about trivial things, such as the differences between Dutch culture and our own. We also share the things we like the most about Groningen, and finally how our classes are going. It reminds me of the first day we met. We're just walking, chatting, not caring about much else. It's a little far away and we have to pause to check the GPS.
After a few minutes, we reach our destination, and Hoornsemeer is a large lake with a little beach. We sit on the beach, but since it's cold, it's very empty.
"This is nice. How did you know this existed?" I ask him.
"I heard one of my dorm mates talking about it the other day and figured I'd like to bring you here. There's a wooden pier over there, wanna head over there?"
"Sure."
Peter and I ride our bikes to the pier and leave them where the pier starts. We walk the rest of the way and sit at the edge, looking around the lake. I'm enjoying the view and notice Peter's looking at me now.
"Kelly, what are you doing to me?" He's got a serious look on his face.
"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything." I laugh in embarrassment to relieve the tension.
"I don't know, I have no idea what I'm doing, or what I've been doing." He laughs as well.
"And who knows what we're doing in this life, in the end?" I look out into the lake, breathe in, close my eyes and feel peaceful as the breeze caresses my face.
"Neither of us do, clearly..." Peter sets his hand on mine and I feel the fire in me growing. So much for tranquility. I have to be strong, so I take my hand out from under his, and stand up.
"Peter, you can't keep doing this. I'm with Hardin, you're with Becky, this won't work. We'll lose our friends." I'm not upset, I'm genuinely trying to explain things to him. He stands up as well. "What was that yesterday?! Holding my hand while Hardin's holding me?"
"You're right, but that's what I've been trying to explain to you. I don't understand why I'm acting like this, I'm not like this, I swear. I want to be faithful. But I can't. I'm sorry, I feel bad." Peter sits back down and buries his face in his hands. Is he crying?!
"Peter..." I kneel next to him and rest my hand on his arm. He looks at me, and I realize he's not crying, just in his own thoughts.
"You don't get it, Kelly. I don't want to act like this, but it's like I can't help myself around you. It's stupid. I'm stupid."
"I get it. But you're overreacting. This isn't such a big deal, anyway. You're not married to Becky, and I'm not married to Hardin."
"Still, I owe her respect," he says, assertively. "And you made it clear that you're not even considering leaving Hardin. So tell me, what am I doing here with you? I'll tell you, I'm being an idiot."
I sit next to him and we look at each other, and I don't know what to say to him. He adds: "Because I can't resist you. What's so special about you? Why do I want to touch you all the time, just to feel what I feel every time I touch you? Ever since I first saw you I realized there was something about you."
He takes my hand gently and draws circles on it with his thumb.
Be good. Be not a whore. Friends come first. Oh, screw it.
I get up and sit on his lap, put one leg to each side of his body, and I notice the look of shock on his face before I grab it and kiss him. His lips part and our tongues intertwine in the urge to calm the longing we have had for each other for so long. My God, he tastes so good.
YOU ARE READING
Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)
Romance"Can I give you a hug?" Is it possible to want and not want something at the same time? "Please?" he insists and I nod. He approaches me and my breathing becomes irregular, our bodies are too close. He doesn't hug me. Instead, his hands touch mine...
