𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

5 | hearing her voice

"W-what?"

"Nothing you say now will change the fact that you're so insecure and you have the lowest self esteem." I continue.

"Don't say that Jimin."

"You were trying to control me Evelyn." I say. "You wanted to monitor every social situation I'd get myself into. You despised my friends and you even prevented me from taking that internship for that newspaper company in New York-"

"Don't fucking go there Jimin." Evelyn grits. "I only told you what was best for us. But then the final decision was in your hands so don't fucking blame me for bailing out."

"Are you fucking crazy!" I blast. "You were yelling at me that our relationship would be doomed if I moved to New York."

"I said that I wasn't good with long distance Jimin. There's a difference."

"So crying to me every night not to leave you for the internship counts as 'telling' me you can't handle long distance? Why are you twisting my fucking words!"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing."

She's unbelievable.

I put the phone down and take deep breaths. How is it that talking to her could make my heartbeat accelerate like I'm doing hardcore exercise?

"Did you actually think I wanted to break up?" I start after a little.

"You're the one who packed your shit and left you coward." Evelyn mutters.

"I didn't want to hurt you." I say.

"So, not telling me when you were planning to move out was your idea of 'not hurting' me? Not picking up my thousand calls and ignoring my messages is your way of being nice to me? Why thank you kind sir for keeping this from me and I had to find out from our fucking neighbor. I don't want your fucking pity."

"I'm sorry" I utter. She is right-what I did was wrong. Even though we broke up, the least I could do is give her the date and answer her calls.

Silence prevails on her side and I don't know whether to expect a hot or a cold response.

"You know what," she booms breaking the quiet. "Fuck you Park Jimin."

Evelyn

Hearing his voice after all this time, has this calming effect on me. The migraine that has been playing on repeat ever since I stepped inside our house only to find it emptied from his belongings, has somewhat faded. I felt relieved that he's somewhere safe and sound, but another pain overwhelms my entire core.

He's gone.

We fought only several days ago and we did break up, but I never expected him to leave so soon. If I'm being honest I actually thought we would talk after we both cooled down and discuss some more. Jimin and I however, we weren't on speaking terms before he left because the tension was so thick between us and I figured it would be better if I didn't say anything. And I had a reason for remaining silent. He comes back. He always comes back and we calmly talk about our little arguments. I admit that there are times when my emotions get the best of me and I lose control and I usually say things I don't mean, but Jimin knows it in his heart that I'm not a bad person.

"Did you actually think I wanted to break up?" Jimin says, his voice unstable.

"You're the one who packed your shit and left you coward." I mumble.

"I didn't want to hurt you." He utters and anger surges through me. How dare he play the pathetic 'I did this for you' card.

"So, not telling me when you were planning to move out was your idea of 'not hurting' me? Not picking up my thousand calls and ignoring my messages is your way of being nice to me? Why thank you kind sir for keeping this from me and I had to find out from our fucking neighbor. I don't want your fucking pity." I scream on my phone, not giving a shit about Alanah, the dear neighbor who delivered me the news.

"I'm sorry" Jimin says, his voice coming out in a whisper. I can barely hear the bastard.

"You know what," I exclaim after a long moment of deafening silence. "Fuck you Park Jimin." I finally say and hang up.

I'm a mess right now. I'm on the bottom of my bathroom floor crying like a little bitch for him. My hair is disheveled and my eyes have black liquid lines underneath. Dark circles are showing under my eyes and—how in the hell did the tears manage to reach my cleavage?

My grip on my cell phone intensifies as I finally get the courage to lift my tired body off the floor. I place the device on the sink and begin rinsing my face. Once my face is tear and makeup free, I head inside the bedroom. It looks so empty without him, so plain and so dark because of his absence. I'm missing him so fucking much and there's nothing more I want than him to return back home. The bed space is gonna empty next to mine as for the nightstand over his side of the bed. His laptop is long gone and I remember how he used to spend hours on the device, his brows slightly arched, his thick lips parted in concentration while structuring and typing out his thoughts in long articles. The  desk and the little bookshelf in the corner of the room are now unoccupied. Same goes for the closet. It's half empty. This house is so empty without him.

Lifeless.

Jimin was right. I am insecure and I do have a low self esteem. I think so little of myself that I don't trust anyone who thinks otherwise. People would be surprised of the things that circle around on my mind.

It's my fault we broke up. Everything is my fucking fault. I can barely take care of myself and love myself as I am. It's impossible for me to love someone like Jimin the right way. He couldn't love someone like me either. He broke up with me because I was the one with who jeopardized our relationship. I sabotaged this beautiful thing we had with my insecurities and I was the one being possessive over him when I don't even have the right to act that way. He's always open with me, willing to talk about anything that is going on his mind while I am the hypocrite here. We promised no secrets and no lies yet I am the one keeping this one thing from him. If Jimin were to find out he would never think of me the same.

I leave the bathroom and go inside the bedroom—not our bedroom. I change my clothes and slip into something comfortable then head to the kitchen. I maniacally search through the cabinets for our private stash of Russian vodka. Jimin enjoys alcoholic beverages and has a high tolerance. I only hope he didn't take all of the bottles with him during the move otherwise I will have to settle for cheap beer from the convenience store.

When I open the final cabinet I finally find my favorite poisons and snatch a Stolichnaya. Popping open the bottle I take a big sip and the liquid burns like acid down my throat. A cloud has settled right on top of my head and my eyelids feel like the lightest of feathers.

Looks like the Russian vodka is kicking in.

It has only been a day and I miss him like hell. All I want to do right now is forget and disappear in liquid oblivion.

do you like it so far? it's not like my other works i hope