Dom's Absolution

Ch. 13 - Bold Confessions

Upon further investigation, I ended up having to undergo endometrial ablation, which was a procedure that involved the removal of my uterus lining. It was supposed to help reduce the heavy monthly bleeding that I experienced.

Unfortunately, without a thick endometrial coating on my uterus, an embryo would not be able to implant itself and grow successfully.

For this reason, the doctors recommended sterilization as an additional procedure.

As a result, I had a vaginal bilateral salpingectomy, which encompassed the removal of both of my fallopian tubes. I still experienced regular menstruation; however, now it was pain-free and my blood flow was usually very light.

Needless to say, the thought of never being able to bare children had left me distraught.

It was around this time that I had started cutting myself. I was feeling so helpless that I needed to regain some semblance of control in my life.

As the years passed, I came to accept that I could never carry children naturally and focused more on the positive side of things. Since I still produced eggs, the option of having children of my own was not completely off the table. It just meant that I would need to get a surrogate.

Over time, both Quintin and I had found ways to deal with our inner demons.

Though it was not the best option, Quintins's was through the numbing effects of ingesting copious amounts of alcohol. While mine was through self-inflicted pain, which sometimes involved the form of intense physical training, other times more direct methods.

Although, for the last two years, I simply focused on pouring all of my energy into keeping fit, sometimes forcing Jee-min to push my body to its absolute limits.

Throughout the years, I had gone from seeing a therapist several times a week to now just once or twice a month. Whereas Quintin only went once or twice a year. Dominic insisted that we kept seeing our therapist regularly, so as to make sure that we both remained stable.

The sound of Quintin's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Look, J, I love you, but just remember, even though you're healing and working on bettering yourself, doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone," he stated while hugging me once more.

My heart warmed at his words.

"I'm so grateful that you trust me enough to confide in me, I just hope that Dominic doesn't find out. He'd kill me if he knew what I knew," he sighed.

"He won't find out because there's nothing to tell, Quin! It's not like I want my best friend to get murdered!" I chuckled before adding, "I mean, sure, after kissing Dom and us having that big fight, I can't help the strong impulses that I have been getting, but I can assure you that I'm not hurting myself. I promised you guys when I was sixteen that I would stop letting the pain in my heart turn into something ugly."

Smiling at me Quintin said, "And we are all so proud of the progress that you've made. You have shown us how surviving can be beautiful. I'm sorry that we worry so much, I will talk to Jee-min and the others, let them know that we should show you more how much we do trust you."

"Thank you," I replied, happy to know that they had faith in my healing, but their initial reactions were just out of their concern for me.

"Although, I'm pretty sure that a good sound spanking from Dominic would give your mind something else to think about..." Quintin joked then asked, "Speaking of kisses, how did your date go?"

"Better than expected, actually. Cristiano is really nice! It was so different, spending time off campus with him. He's really mature and I think that I might actually like him, even though he's seventeen," I confessed, my cheeks blushing slightly at the realisation that I was willing to date someone younger.