My Real Diary

January 2

     I hardly write here anymore, I don't know why. Probably cause nobody reads is and I'm not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing.
     It's 2020 and for some reason I'm missing him today. I know I shouldn't be and I know he doesn't deserve it but I am. Jack and I may have a rocky relationship but we're working on it. He's at work right now, he's gonna start going to therapy, etc. My ex, Riley, is a shitty person though and I don't know why he's occupying my mind right now. It's been almost 3 years to the day that we started talking again and hanging out and he took my virginity. It's also been almost 3 years to the day that he left me like I never meant shit to him and never mattered. It hurt but I got over it and about 7 months later is when I got with Jack.
Riley was my first true love, no matter how much I try to deny that fact. I gave him way too much of me for way too long and aways ended up hurting myself. Now he's a crackhead who's been on the run for like 2 months.
I can't believe I wasted so much pain on that man, but every now and then my mind goes back to my old apartment, late at night with his arms wrapped around me. The safety and comfort he made me feel. Staying up late watching scary movies in my spare room or playing video games. I had the time of my life with him but the last time he left, I wasn't that sad. He treated me bad too many times before, that I couldn't bring myself to shed any more tears, let alone even care. (Although I did, just a little bit though.)
All in all, I hope he's doing good. I hope he gets his shit together before he wakes up one day and realizes it's too late for him. I've seen his soul, and it deserves peace. We weren't good for each other I guess, or maybe he wasn't good for me. Either way I wish no suffering upon him, only happiness and health. Part of my will always "love" and care for him, but everybody has that person.