My Real Diary

October 4

     Today was an alright day. Jack and I didn't fight at all, but I was stressed for most of the morning because of his grandma. The last few days she's just been glaring at me and has barely said anything. She's never had anything nice to say at all. The only thing she did say today was when my mom was babysitting just so I could relax and have some free time was "Pick up all the trash." She said this after she walked into our room while I was changing and threw a plastic bag onto the floor. Plot twist: there was no trash. I hadn't made the bed yet, but the room was clean. That immediately put me in a bad mood. All she ever does is put me down. No thank you after we bought $400 worth of groceries. And the only thing she says to me is an order? Annoying and stressful!
     I cannot WAIT to get the fuck out of this house. I don't know why we have such bad luck but it sucks. Once we get out and don't tell anyone where we're going, away from this toxic hellish family, I'm sure everything else will fall into place. Our relationship problems won't be so bad because we'll barely have any stress (hopefully) and we can really start our own lives. I hope and pray it works out away from these people.
     Other than that, yeah, today was pretty alright. I've had a pounding headache for the last 3 hours or so and Jack did nothing but drink today (again) but at least we got along. I'm just so tired of all the toxic people in our lives. Mostly the people he hangs out with. For instance, we went to his friend's, an older guy who lives down the street, and they were talking about a girl who got mad at her boyfriend for being drunk. The friend said "What's wrong with that?" Well, she doesn't like him drinking and he should respect that.
     The people in Jack's life are nothing but enablers. They don't care about him or his well-being and encourage his negative behavior. Of course I have a few drinks here and there, in fact I have a beer sitting in my lap right now, but I don't let drinking actually affect my life and relationship with Jack or anybody. I don't have people encouraging me to get drunk every night or drag me into their problems, and I guess that's one reason to be thankful I don't have friends. Because I only want high quality people in my life, not friends who I'm gonna have to bail out of jail every week or worry about them being shady or not be able to leave them in the same room as Jack. I need to be very careful of the people who occupy my time because time is precious and I wish I could make Jack realize that. That spending time around low lives and users isn't going to get him far in life. It's just going to be a waste of time and a drain on him even if he doesn't think they will be. 
     He's gonna learn that the hard way, I suppose. I'm gonna try to tell him to be more picky with his acquaintances and hope that he listens. I don't know, it just how I see it. I've never really thought of it that way but I'm a mother now and my time is my baby's time. My life is my baby's life. My decisions affect my baby so I'm gonna make the right ones.
     Fall is my favorite season and it sucks I haven't been able to enjoy it.