My Real Diary

October 7

Is it too much to ask of your fiance to quit liking pictures of half naked girls on Facebook/Instagram?! No? Then why do I have to talk to mine about it every other week!? I saw his search bar and the things he clicks on, I investigated into the pictures he liked of models, I confronted him. I didn't want him to know I looked through his activity log, but I told him "You better not be doing that or liking these pictures." "I'm not!" He swore. Told me he accidentally looked up #tattoodmodels. Mmmmhm.
As if my insecurities weren't bad enough. Now I know the whole "You're the only girl I have eyes for everyone else is ugly if you don't want me doing something I won't blah blah blah" speech was bullshit. If I have to throw a huge fit to make him stop then so be it. No. This shit is a form of emotional cheating in my eyes and I'm not gonna put up with him doing this anymore. So not fair. Nobody should have to tell someone over and over to stop a simple behavior that their "wife" doesn't like. I admit it. I don't care that they're just models, it hurts me.
He could just as easily NOT take the time to react to these gross distasteful pictures. It drives me absolutely insane and lately I've been speaking my mind more. Yesterday I saw that he liked a sexy picture shared by a mutual friend and he was right beside me so I showed him and simply said "Quit liking photos of half naked girl I can't stand it."
Though he understood, guess not. I'm so fed up and I realize it's just a simple thing that I shouldn't have to get this upset but I can't help it. Shouldn't he realize what he's been putting me through!? Not just the stupid pictures but I'm going through and insane amount of stress right now, probably more than he'll ever know.
I have no money, no job, no home, no nothing. I have a husband who is only half there for me, I have people who give me no respect. I have a tiny baby who may be spending her second Halloween in the hospital. I have no friends, no one to talk to. Nobody on my side. He knows this, and he chooses to do this!? Knowing I'm going to find out and it's gonna make me feel like shit and cause issues with us. How fucking disrespectful! I'm mad. I'm really mad. I refuse to compete with another girl for his attention, model or not. 🖕

Later

This fucking cunt bitch. I cannot believe the disrespect that I put up with from my fiance's family. His mother and grandmother, that is. Everyone else is fine. But his grandma just about two hours ago did something that made me lose my respect for her forever, sad to say.
Jack woke me up from a nap and said he made me food and to come eat in the living room. I sat down with my plate and before I even started eating she came in and said,"Go eat in your room. If baby can't eat out here, neither can you." Jack asked what she said. She repeated,"I told her to go eat in the room because she doesn't let baby eat out here so neither can she."
Yeah, I don't let my kid eat in the living room when your disgusting crackhead daughter is here. No need for that bs. As for the other times, I'd have no problem feeding her in the living room, but it's easier for me to just feed her in our room. No big deal, and not to mention, I'M the one who pushed her out of my body, dealt with the excruciating pain of childbirth and healing. I'm the one who loves her more than life itself. I'm the one who holds her when she cries, who makes sure she's warm and happy. Her father and I. Not you. What I do with MY kid is MY choice, regardless of who's roof we're under.
Jack and I were caught off guard. He said,"Let's just eat out here don't listen to her."
I said fuck that I'm going to the room. I was livid. The amount of disrespect I've endured here in unmatched. As I'm eating, Jack leaves. I didn't know/care where he was until I went out and he came in. He said he was collecting all the food we've bought (which is all of it) and putting it the garage fridge so nobody else could get it. I honestly wasn't expecting him to have my back, but he did. He put his grandma in her place and showed her he will not stand for anyone talking to his wife like that.
Eventually the situation blew over, but I lost any shred of respect I had left for her.

Later later

More photos being liked of other girls. Now he's moved onto not just models, but girls he actually knows 🤔 when I tell you about the disrespect, it's not just by his family. I've asked him countless times to stop. It's such a simple thing. Just fucking don't do it. Easy right?
We were having a great time. We were just talking, hanging out for the first time in a long time. We made love, then he fell asleep. I wanted to see exactly which photos he was liking and I did. I screenshotted her photo and sent it to myself as proof. I'm so sick of this treatment, if asking and begging like a normal human isn't going to work, I'm gonna have to resort to retaliation and mental manipulation 🤷