Rain

Shadows

Every surgeon I know has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt that follows even the best of us into the OR. We pretend the shadow isn't there hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther it will get tired and give up the chase but like they say... you can't outrun your shadow.

-Meredith Grey

"I forgive you. I forgive you for not calling Derek or asking about him." Emily's voicemail rang in his ear. "I forgive you, because I love you. But you do not know the whole story and you should talk to him. I love you. I'll try to talk to you soon. Bye."

.

"I performed my face transplant today. You shoulda been there. And I didn't talk to Derek. I know Big Grey did. And I don't want to talk to him. I'm sorry."

Emily responded simply, "You talk to him because he is your best friend. Also, it's petty and I will stay in Boston until you do." Hanging up, she sighed. Walking to the resident's lounge, she threw her phone into her cubby as she began to pack her bag to go home after a long surgery. As she shrugged on her cream-colored coat, her phone rang once more. Taking it, she frowned at the caller ID.

"Alex? What's up?"

"Izzie has stage four metastatic melanoma that's spread to her brain and liver. Em, it's bad. It's so bad."

Her world dropped beneath her feet.

.

It seemed as if life were moving too fast for her to comprehend. Izzie was getting cancer, Cristina was with Owen and then they broke up, and Derek was back at work, operated on Izzie and it was a success.

"I'm engaged," Meredith had informed in one of their phone calls.

Noah was teaching residents and interviewing prospective fellows, Taylor was finishing up his fellowship and Tom explained his intents to propose to Ella.

Something about her and Tom just clicked in the best way. So she had agreed to help him plan it.

"You should do something big, romantic. Ella's a romantic," she suggested and he agreed.

"Maybe singing a song? Guitar?" She hummed thoughtfully at that. "I know guitar."

"Could you teach me? I could be like your band while you sing," she joked and he laughed, bumping her with his elbow.

"Definitely. And you'll have to tell me some songs," he returned and she agreed as they brought their lunches to the table. "Band outside her window?"

"Nah. Too cheesy. She's not a cheesy romantic. That means no big rose bundles and big proposal like a flash mob. Also, no chocolates." Tom nodded. The woman was lactose intolerant. "Maybe something along the water on sunset. Go to one of the beaches, scan out a spot."

"Yeah! That's a good idea." He scribbled it down on a notepad, adding to the long list of ideas they had. "What about-"

"Shush!" she whispered and he stuffed the notepad in his pocket, schooling his face into painfully casual as her phone rang. It was Izzie calling her and she answered as Ella approached them with her own tray of food. She looked mildly suspicious as Emily pressed the answer button.

"Hey, Em!" the woman greeted cheerfully. The background was rumbling slightly and Emily tried to figure out where she was. "I'm off to my first round of I.L.-2. Alex, say hi."

"Hi," greeted the man shortly. "Whatcha up to?"

"Nothing much, waiting for the page for a donor heart," she replied with a smile. "How about you?"