angela

forty one

"he's really good." i returned my gaze to the old guy in front of me. i forgot his name again. 

"so! where's everyone?" he asked looking around.

i bit my bottom lip. "kinda was asking myself that." 

he furrowed his eyebrows. "what? not even your parents?"

"they had work, they're coming for the next show though." i explained.

"what about david? you guys seemed pretty close!" 

"we..." i sighed, playing with my own fingers to soothe my nervousness and the sudden urge to cry. "we broke up." 

"oh, i'm sorry." he put his free hand on my shoulder.

i shrugged. "i only hoped matt would come, but he didn't." 

"but matt is not nice!" he exclaimed, making me chuckle. "you remember that you told me about your fight with him?" i nodded. "that didn't sound like a best friend to me." when i didn't respond right away, he looked at his wife and his son before returning his gaze to me. "look, about you and david, i'm sure that anything that happened between you two will cease, i mean, it can take days, weeks or months, years even, but it will be fine." he gave my shoulder a light squeeze. "you know, i once was you guys age, and i know how things go, trust me, when you love someone the dynamic is different, not you or him will let each other go so easily." 

"i don't love him." i said quickly. it's true, i don't. not anymore. at this point, things are so messed up inside my head, that maybe the feeling is gone now. it's better this way. i don't want to love david dobrik knowing we won't be together.

he scoffed. "i'm no fool, i saw the way he looked at you and the way you looked at him, it screamed love, i bet everyone can see that too, not just me." with his words, i started to stare down at my feet. "if you really saw how david ran towards you, the worry in his eyes seeing you in that situation, it was love. it is." 

i sighed, tucking some hair behind my ear. "even if he does feel that way, it doesn't matter now, we're not together and we won't get back together." 

"angela, look at me." i did, looking up to meet his eyes. "you need to talk to him, no matter the issue, give it a try, i can see how much you care about him and how eager you are to get back with him, you couldn't even say that you two broke up." he slid his hand off my shoulder, now holding the bouquet with two hands. "you love him, you just need to admit that to yourself." i quickly wiped the one tear that rolled down my cheek. he smiled, pushing a few roses out of the bouquet. "here, congratulations, angela." he handed it to me. "you know your name meaning? messenger of god, ah, just like my mother." i grinned, feeling my chest warm. "those hands of yours are the messengers, i can assure you that." 

i brought the roses closer to my nose, inhaling its scent. it finally came back. harrison, that's his name. "thank you so much, harrison." i gave him a quick hug before he went back with his own family. 

with that, i turned around on my heels to leave. i entered my car, closing the door and resting my head back on the headrest with a deep sigh. even though my heart was still aching after everything that happened, i felt in peace. i needed to hear that. i needed to hear that david truly cared about me from someone that wasn't from our friend group. i don't know, i stopped believing the fact that our relationship had a meaning. what he did felt so cruel coming from him, coming from someone that once said that was going to support me no matter what, that wasn't going to pressure me to tell him about my family. i know - and i mean it - that he did it because he cares, but at the same time, this hurts really bad. 

it hurts because all i've been seeing is that no one can find something in them to believe me or support me. it hurts because it makes me feel so alone. i know i've been pushing my friends away, but it annoys me how they're letting me do it without .