angela

nineteen

the rest of the week went okay. i worked twice because of my absence last week, but i managed it fine. i found time to text david because we weren't seeing each other during these past few days, which it made me go to sleep at two am, not wanting to stop talking to him. today was saturday night, matt came over to spend a couple hours with me before he went to a party with everyone. "i hated this movie, ugh." i said turning the tv off.

"what?" matt looked at me, shocked. "this movie is amazing, don't you have a good taste?" 

"it was boring, i almost slept during it." i stood up to stretch my body. "you promised to take me to watch avengers, but suddenly you had a party to go and didn't take me." i rolled my eyes at him. "i wish i was david just to have the opportunity to go to the premiere." 

"i had this party planned since the beginning of this week, don't try to blame me." matt tried to defend himself, but i shot him a glare.

"then why did you make empty promises?" i whined sitting down by his side.

before he could even try to answer me, my phone started ringing, making me groan while i went to answer it. i frowned, seeing my mom's name on the screen. "hey, what's up?" i said when i picked up, bitting my lip, remembering that we fought.

"what did i freaking tell you, angela?" she spat over the phone, surprising me.

"i'm sorry what?" i asked confusingly.

"i told you to not go look for him!" she yelled. "but you are so stubborn that you did exactly what i told you not to do!" 

"mom, what are you talking about?" i sat back down beside matt, who looked at me with worried eyes.

"you went looking for your biological father when i told not to! god, i raised a moron." i started to get angry with her words. "he came to my house and said that you should stop looking or he would do something bad, so please, angela, use this tiny thing you call a brain for once in your life!"

"i won't stop looking for him!" i raised my voice, feeling my face burn with anger. "i have the right to know who my real father is, it doesn't matter if you like it or not!" 

"you already have a father! you went to talk to him a week ago and suddenly you forgave him, aren't you happy with that?"

"but he's not my real father! i mean, he is be the man who raised me and loved me, and will be forever, i just want to know who fucking gave you the sperm to make me, that's all!" 

"you're just getting us in trouble, can't you understand that?"

"if you didn't want me to go look for my real father then you shouldn't have cheated on first place!" now i was screaming to the phone, not even caring about matt's presence.

"you don't know nothing about that!" 

i let out a sour laugh. "of course i don't! you guys have been lying to me my entire fucking life, how could i know about it?" she stayed in silence this time, with me only hearing her heavy breath. "you know what? you tire me, so please stop calling, for fuck's sake, pretend like i don't fucking exist!" i hung up before she could answer it. 

i tossed my phone on the couch, groaning loudly while pressing my palms against my eyes. "is everything okay?" matt asked and i looked at him.

"she just called me to tell me to not look for my biological father, because he visited her saying that he would do bad things if kept digging in this story." i told him, rolling my eyes.

"i think she's right on that, angie." he bit his bottom lip. 

i scoffed. "and why is that?"

"i mean, she has a point, come on, the guy went to her house to threat you guys, what do you want her to say?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"i want her to put herself in my shoes! to understand that i have the right to go look for him, wether she likes it or not!" i crossed my arms.

"oh my god, angela! he threatened you and your mother, it's time to stop looking and start thinking!" he was incredulous with my doings, but of course he wouldn't understand me. "sometimes i start to think you're not a reasonable person."

"matt, you don't get it, do you?" i took a deep breath. "it's obvious that she's lying because she doesn't want me to find out the truth behind this whole story! i really think she has done something wrong."

"you're unbelievable." he shook his head. "you're so trapped in this whole idea that there's something bad in this story, but there isn't! you're just mad that they lied to you, specifically your mother, and want to create more reasons to!" 

"what..." he cut me off.

"they lied to you, fine! get over it, stop trying to find someone guilt in this!" matt didn't raise his voice at me like my mother, while he spitted the whole truth on me. "it's so tiring to see you always trying to be right every single time." 

i sighed. "of course you don't get." i shook my head, shooting him a glare. "you have the perfect life, god, your family is perfect, you guys never had to handle a problem like this." i stood up to get away from him. "i'm sure if you were me you were going to do the same." i mumbled, getting the clothes i left on top of my bed to toss them on the floor. i was too angry to clean it up.

"don't, angela, just don't!" he stood up too. "i wouldn't do that, i would never do that to my mother and to the man who raised me!"

"oh, and why wouldn't you?" i crossed my arms over my chest.

"because i'm not fucking stupid and selfish!" matt spat, shocking me. 

i looked at him, taken aback with his sudden outburst. he soon realize what he said, but before he could try to apologize, i cut him off. "get out, now!" i pointed to the door.

matt bit his bottom lip and grabbed his shoes. "fine, i have somewhere better to be anyways." he murmured as he made his way towards the door. "if you don't want to hear the truth, what can i fucking do?" and he slammed it behind him, leaving me with tears in my eyes.

fuck him! fuck him a million times! deep down, i knew he was right, but right now, i didn't want him to be. i wanted him to know why i was doing all of this, to know my side of this story too. he didn't have to scream at me, he could've said it without calling me selfish and stupid. i cried a lot after he left, for at least half an hour, to be honest. me and matt never fought like this, it was always stupid and meaningless fights. i've never felt like we were done like i felt today.

i sighed and went to my bathroom to wash my face. i looked at myself in the mirror, seeing my red swollen face and my puffy eyes. god, i looked like a mess. i went back to my room, looking for new clothes, taking off my comfy ones so i could put on others to get out of the house. i made sure salem had enough water and food too. "will you be a good girl while mommy is out?" i asked with a baby voice, kissing her little head as she meowed. "mommy is okay." i took a deep breath. "i love you baby." i said before getting up to leave. 

i didn't get my car, deciding on walking to my destination. it was a bar i went a couple of times with zac. i wasn't a fan of alcohol, although i drink a lot of wine, strong liquids weren't my thing. however, today i decided to change a little bit, going out for a drink all by myself so i could forget, just for a while, about this whole mess in my life. "hi," i said smiling to the barman as i sat down on the stool. "i don't have much knowledge on drinks, what do you recommend? i need something strong."

the man raised his eyebrows at me, drying the glass on his hand with a towel. "are you even 21?" 

i grabbed my id inside my wallet, handing it to him. "23 in two months." i smiled again.

he handed it back to me. "give the girl what i'm drinking." a man said beside me. i looked at where the voice came from, finding an old man, i mean, not that old, but i could see from his tired face that he was at least 50. i gave him a small smile, not wanting to assume bad things about him. maybe he wasn't a rapist after all. with that, i gave him a chance, letting him make conversation with me.

___

hi go read my new fanfic with grayson, it's called airbnb ; )

also, stream 'fine line' by harry styles