angela

thirty five

when i finished, i put my foundation back in my purse. "is it good?" he asked and i handed him my phone so he could open the front camera to see it. "nice." he gave it back to me. 

i smiled. "now..." i pushed him back. "where was i?" i captured his lips with mine.

before we could deepen it, natalie arrived at the kitchen, making a weird noise. "guys please! i eat here." 

i laughed with my lips still pressed against his and david pulled away. "sorry mom." i told her while hopping off the counter with david's help. i kissed his cheek and went to put the remaining strawberries back inside the fridge. megan arrived and the three of them talked for a bit as i texted everyone on the group chat asking if they wanted to go out tonight. 

david turned on his heels to talk to me. "so, i will take you home and when i get home i'll text you so we can go out, okay?" 

i nodded and went to grab my stuff so we could leave soon. i didn't want them to be late and i knew that if i suggested calling an uber, david wouldn't let me. so, without saying much, we all hoped inside david's tesla, natalie was driving since david couldn't. we only talked about david's party and i wasn't talking much.

i watched david as he was driving, him smile a few times when we talked to him, or how he jammed to the songs he played. he was truly a dork. but that was what made me like him so much. his personality was everything i could ask for in a guy, his endearing way, how easy it was for him to make me laugh, the way he made me feel that life was worth living. he was one of my best friends and i was so grateful for him.

natalie parked in front of my building and i gave her and megan a quick hug before leaning in to give david a quick peck on the lips. "see you later, cutie." i winked and hopped off the car.

 as soon as i was home, i took care of salem, playing and petting her for a while, then i practiced a little more since dudamel's absence and because i wanted to look perfect. later, after work, matt invited me to hang out for a while and help him with some stuff at his house. he was moving in with jason and todd and needed to get rid of some things. 

so now we both are sitting in his living room, some random music playing as we looked through some of his old stuff. "you really can't?" 

i bit my bottom lip, playing with the cover of one of his books. "i can, but i didn't bought the tickets yet, and i think it sold out." we were discussing about going to lollapalooza in a few days with all of our friends. i wanted to, but i just forgot about it.

"maybe later we can look if there's any left." i just shrugged, raising my hand with the book i was previously playing with. "all the books are going, sweetie." he grabbed it from my hand, putting it aside. 

without meaning to, i suddenly blurted out: "do you think i'm falling in love with david?" i even widened my eyes a bit with my question. matt knew me too well to know if i truly was falling in love. i wasn't sure because i didn't know how david felt. does he really likes me that way? does he really want me to be his girlfriend? hell, do i love him?. if i liked him? yes, a lot, that's obvious. but love? was it really?

the sound of matt loud gasp made me look up at him. "what? why are you asking"

i took a deep breath, leaning my head against the couch behind me. "i'm just not sure. i mean, i like david a lot... i don't know, i just feel on cloud nine whenever we are together." i chuckled and matt looked down. "i can't even explain to you the feeling of being around him, or the feeling when he kiss me, or just simply when we're together in the same room. but you know me, do you think it's a mistake? do you think i love him?" 

he waited a few seconds before looking at me. i know him since i was a baby, i can tell how he's feeling from his expressions, the way he moves or even the way he breathes. i know matt like the back of my hand. but right now, i couldn't read him at all. i didn't know what that look meant, it felt weird, but i didn't want to say anything. "so..." he cleared his throat. "i don't know angie. maybe you do? i can't tell you how you feel, but you like him a lot, apparently." 

i shrugged again. "i don't know, should i tell him? or..." 

"why do you always think that i know the answer?" matt chuckled. i gave him a faint smile, crawling to sit by his side. i hugged his arm and laid my head on his shoulder. 

"i really do like him a lot." matt kissed my forehead.

"i know you do." i slid my hand to intertwine our fingers.

"but we're not together yet." i looked at him. 

"ask him to be your boyfriend, i don't know." matt laughed. "he would love that and knowing david, he will take so long because he's a coward most of the time." 

i frowned. that was a really good idea. but what if he said no? maybe he will find it weird, i don't know, we are only doing this for a month now. 

matt grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him in the eyes. "stop overthinking this, angela, it will work out fine, trust me. don't let your stupid insecurities stop you from being happy."

i only nodded and decided to go back to what i was doing. i kinda didn't want to think about this too much, knowing that i would probably freak out at the end of the day like i always do, but at the same time i needed to. i don't know, sometimes i need to stop and think about all of this.

my feelings towards david is scary. it's scary because we are not officially together and anything can go wrong. scary because i haven't felt like this in such a long time. after ashton, i didn't feel like falling in love. of course i went on dates, even tried with caleb, but it wasn't the same. god, ashton made me feel so loved, all the time, he made me feel and realize that i mattered. i'm so grateful for everything that we went through together, he basically helped me become the person that i'm today. how can someone beat that up?

that someone might be david. even though i was happy with this whole thing about ashton making me be the person i am today, david helped know another side of myself. he took me out of my comfort zone and showed me the best things in life. it feels so, so good.

this bubbly feeling inside my stomach whenever he holds my hand, the way i melt under his gaze, or the goofy smile glued to my face when i hear him talking is everything to me. god, it's refreshing to feel like this. it's so beautiful to be by david's side, to be able to hold his hand and to kiss his pinky lips. maybe he was the missing piece.

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i promise you, the plot is right around the corner please don't give up, it'll come in a few chapters