Don't Call Me Cat!

Chapter 34: It's Killing Me

It's nothing short of a miracle that this chapter has made its deadline. For the first time this week, I hit the dreaded wall of exhaustion. Apologies because it's slightly shorter than previous installments. That said, past chapters have topped 3,000 words so enough said. I hope you enjoy the update. Keep in touch and have a great weekend xxxx

"So, do you feel you're making progress?"

I'd sat with my therapist for the past hour and was mentally exhausted. We'd talked through my mom's funeral, my relationship with father and lastly Shannon.

"Yeah," I answered. "I'm getting there. I'm learning to let go and rely on Shannon a little. 

"I don't get as angry as I used to either which has to be good doesn't it?" I was looking for reassurance, still struggling to come to terms with the new me. 

Or was it the real me who'd been locked away for so many years? Whatever, I was feeling better for it.

"How do you feel about Shannon moving you into his place?"

I fiddled with the corner of a magazine on the table.

"I was relieved."

****

Those visits were exhausting. Opening up and being honest about my feelings was still alien. Years of hiding behind a wall of false emotion had taken its toll and it was taking time to break through that trauma.

I ordered a flat white and sat down in a corner of the cafe to try to process things spinning in my head.

My thoughts were lulled by the background chatter from nearby tables and the smell of coffee.

I felt guilty about affording myself this little luxury but it was getting easier week by week.

The table next to mine was packed with yummy mummies and I silently cursed their heels clicking on the tiled floor and painted lips staining glasses all shades of red and pink.

I tried to ignore their laughter but it was becoming shrill and quite frankly annoying. I had my head buried in a book and thanked God as the noise subsided into whispers and giggles.

A chair scraped across the tiles and I looked up. Jared was sat down opposite me and judging by the faces of the lipstick brigade, he was the reason for them shutting the fuck up. I was still having some anger issues but I could live with them.

"What are you doing here?" I closed my book and took in his dishevelled appearance. "I suppose Shannon told you where to find me." This definitely wasn't factored into my day.

"Yeah he did. I hope you don't mind." He glanced to his side and rolled his eyes at me. "Can we go find somewhere more quiet maybe?"

Judging by the look on his face, it wouldn't wait a moment longer. I drained the remains of my coffee and gestured for him to get up.

No doubt several pairs of eyes were burning into my back as I walked out of the cafe with Jared in tow.

"Where are we going?" I was trying but failing to keep pace with him as he walked ahead. "Hey! Just stop for a moment and tell me what's going on will you." 

He turned and suddenly I realized some of that sassy spark had gone. 

"Can we just find somewhere more private than this?" he said, aware of people stopping and staring at him.

It must be like living in a goldfish bowl for him at times, so I followed him to the parking lot and jumped in his truck.

"Do you mind if we drive into the hills. I need to escape all this shit," he said, looking around at the cars and gas fumes and people. He released the handbrake and pulled into the traffic.