Don't Call Me Cat!

Chapter 15: So Bloody Ballsy

Saturday update here we come! I usually post on Friday but it's been a lazy start to the weekend. From this week, there'll be just a Friday update. I have a load of other commitments demanding of my time. And my backlog of chapters is fast running out! Someone tell me where to find time in the day to write. I'm most productive at 6 am Saturday and Sunday! Love to you all xoxoxo

The next few days disappeared in a blur. Students were demanding of my time and by the end, I only had the energy to head back home and collapse. 

The door creaked open and layers of stuffy air greeted me. I walked in and dumped my tote on the floor.

This was not what was needed after a day spent in that suffocating hot studio. Windows were thrown open to allow a gentle early evening breeze wash through the apartment, taking away some of the summer heat.

I'd been so busy with the studio that my personal life had been on hold. Messages had gone unanswered, voicemail ignored and emails were mounting up. Life was shit and I needed serious time out.

There were also myriad issues nagging my subconscious: Cassie, Jared, my dad's phone call. And Shannon. I hadn't returned his calls. We'd sort of promised to meet up later in the week but there were no firm arrangements. 

John Lennon's words came to mind: "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans".

And it's true, life had just got in the way as usual.

It was 8 pm. No wonder my stomach was talking to me. I headed into the kitchen, tripping over my purse while cursing as my shoulder hit the corner of the door frame. Pain shot down my arm and tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

That's all I needed to join an already throbbing headache. I grabbed a pack of Advil from the cupboard and poured a glass of water. Suddenly my emotional wall crumbled and came crashing down. The strain of juggling work, friends, family, and my shitty ex had eroded whatever it was that had been holding me together.

This 'Don't fuck with me' attitude takes its toll when you're constantly hiding layers of insecurity.

The tears came out of nowhere, thick and fast, and with no warning. I eased my back down the wall and hugged my knees, counting to ten to calm myself.

Christian's words from the other day echoed around my head: "Just my luck I chose one of life's losers Catherine."

The rational part of me knew this was total bullshit but his words cut me deeper than I'd ever care to show. I was honestly exhausted by other people causing me to doubt myself. Christian's snide comment had been the straw that finally broke the camel's back.

I was so lost in my thoughts, sat in a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor, that I almost missed my phone vibrating with an incoming call. I checked the screen: Shannon. Just one of the people on my to-do list. I debated whether or not to answer but after a few seconds, I hit the accept button. At least it wasn't face-time and I could hide my tears.

"Are you OK?" The question hit me like an express train before I'd had a chance to even say 'Hi'.

"Yes, well sort of. Why?" I was thrown somewhat by the worry in his voice.

"Because I've been knocking on your door for the past five minutes and you haven't answered."

I let out a little groan. Of all the times for him to turn up uninvited. I looked like shit and felt even shittier.

I pulled myself up from the floor. "Give me a minute and I'll be with you." I checked myself in the mirror and realized there was no hiding the mess. My hair was disheveled, my eyes red and I looked wrecked.