High school but it's not a musical

2018 recap; God is always working behind the scenes 1/4/19

2018 recap. 2018 was not the best year ever, or the worst. It was an off year. I was sad from the start, cuz 2017 was the best year of my whole life. I grew in my faith, I made some amazing friends who meant the world to me, I went on countless adventures, I for once, felt like I had a place, that I belonged. Felt truly loved and wanted. I didn't want that to be over. Then, later in 2018, there was a bus accident that all those people were a part of. I had secondary trauma. It hit me that life was so unpredictable, so I was terrified of everything. I didn't even feel comfort in my own room. I had all these thoughts running through my head like, "what if a plane falls on our house?" "Or a car crashes into our house?" "Or our house catches on fire?" "Or someone breaks in trying to kill us?" Then, school was ending and it was so stressful, and exams were frustrating. Freshman year wasn't good.
Then, summer started. I had to go to a baby's funeral. A baby that I held in my hands after it was born. It was insane.
There was so much spiritual warfare going on. Satan put all these thoughts in my head that, people don't like me, they just pretend to. The more Satan put into my head, I began to think my friends were fake. So I went and said some stuff I didn't mean. Then, all those people who meant the world to me, left. So, the rest of the summer, I cried. I cried myself to sleep. I cried myself sick. There would be times I couldn't lift myself off the floor from crying. Sometimes, I couldn't get out of bed. I found myself lost, stuck, and lonely.
School started up, and I felt like things were gonna be different. I thought sophomore year was gonna be good. I picked good classes. I got my schedule back, and I got put into draw and design instead of music theory, and I got bitter about that.
I got into a relationship, jumping into anything that I thought would be a chance at happiness. But, I was looking for it in all the wrong places. I always felt insecure, that I was doing everything wrong, unwanted, forgetful, unimportant, scared, nervous, not myself when I was in that relationship.
Looking back, I see all the blessings in disguise that God has given me, and how He has worked behind the scenes in my life.
In 2016, I had to go to multiple funerals. I reacted by shutting everyone out. Including my family. But, when everyone left in 2018, my family stayed. I grew closer to my family. I am closer to them now than I ever was. I love them dearly. God has blessed me with five amazing siblings, and three parents. They have all been there for me, even if it was, getting me things I need, making me laugh, listening to my rants, my problems, or offering to beat some idiot boy up for me. I love them dearly.
And all those times, I was lying on the floor crying, not knowing what to do, and I couldn't stop, God had my back. He placed a new best friend in my life. This new best friend is absolutely amazing and I love him with my whole heart, and trust him with my life. He always knows what to say to make things better. He knows how to make me laugh like an idiot, or to smile the biggest smile ever. He just has this heart of gold, and is the sweetest guy I have met in my whole life. And during that summer, when I felt like I had no one at all, I felt like there was no point of living anymore, that no one would miss me if I ended my life, I thought everyone would be happier. That new best friend was the one to talk me out of it; showed me there was so much to live for, and I am truly thankful for that. I love him lots. There was also other friends who had answered phone calls when was crying uncontrollably and listened to what I had to let out, and I am very thankful for them. God placed these people in my life to keep me alive. God has worked through them.
Draw and design was good for me. I was bitter about it at first cuz I'm more of a music person than a drawing person. I can't really draw to save my life, but I found myself getting lost in the art. I put my headphones on, and let the pencil move, and I was drawing. And I have actually gotten good, and I am actually proud of my accomplishments.
Sophomore year has been good. I noticed I had great friends. Those were my reasons to get up early every day for school, even though sometimes I'd rather stay home and sleep for five years. They have brought my laughter, smile, goofy ness, awkwardness, annoying, childish, Jesus self back. They brought me back. I love them and thank them so much for that. I learned to keep anyone who makes you feel alive, gives you hope, makes you feel happy, feels like home, to keep them close. These people are very special to me and they are gonna be stuck with me for a long time, cuz I'm not letting them leave me anytime soon.
That relationship ended. I still think about it time to time. While I was in that relationship, I really drifted apart from God. I felt like I couldn't really talk about God, or even wear Christian shirts that I had. Being so distant from God messed me up. I had been distant from Him all of 2018, but way more when I was in that relationship. And just the fact that it ended, you know, God is so good. He knew what was going on. I didn't cuz I was so blindsided. But God is so good, and now I can focus on myself, store back my confidence, build up my self love back for 2019. And I can grow back in my faith, and focus on God. God is where true happiness comes from.
I am so amazed about how great God is. The fact that He placed the right people in my life, and that's the reason I'm alive and writing this today. To tell how amazing He is. He got me out of that relationship, so I'm here talking about Jesus like the Jesus freak I am. He placed people in my life to bring the Ally we all know and love back, so I can run around telling people about Jesus, giving people hugs, putting myself in any awkward situation I can, being goofy, to acting like I'm five years old and talking about giraffes. He brought the people in my life that I needed to bring out the me that He created. God is just so good, and He is always working behind the scenes. Anyways, remember that everything you go through is for a reason. And it'll always get better. Love you lots. Here's to 2019, with new friends, new favorite memories, new adventures, self love, Jesus, and Jesus freak me.