Nineteen

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“Lauren, please.”

The green eyed girl took a deep breath and finally closed the suitcase she had been prepping for a couple of hours.

“I’m sorry Camz, but I already told you, we can’t.” Lauren replied running her fingers through her hair.

“Of course we can. I can just buy my ticket at the airport and I don’t even need to pack because I have clothes back home.” Camila said excitedly, and tried to hold her bandmates hand, but the older singer pulled her hand away almost immediately.

“Stop, please. Don’t make this even harder.” Lauren snapped and bit her lip reflexively while looking into the pair of hurt brown eyes.

Silence took over the already tense atmosphere as the two singers just stared at each other. Since Dinah and Normani were getting ready for a basketball game, and Ally had gone out with a friend, the two Latinas were the only ones in the normally crowded L.A apartment, and the room would soon become even emptier.

“It’s funny, don’t you think?” Camila interrupted their staring contest by dropping her gaze to her hands, and a barely audible, but bitter chuckle escaped her lips. “We can literally get married anywhere in America, but I can’t spend my girlfriend’s birthday with her because she’s too afraid to tell anyone we’re together.”

“Camz…”

“Nope, I’m not finished yet. I haven’t even gotten to the best part.” Camila said focusing her eyes back on the emerald green ones in front of her. “I’m not even asking my girlfriend to come out because I know she’s not ready and it wouldn’t be fair, but she’s so ridiculously paranoid that she won’t even let me be near her when her family is around, or when a interviewer is around, or when our bandmates are around because she thinks people will start to suspect, so I have to act like I don’t care 24/7 and try not to look at her unless we’re completely alone, when in reality all I want to do is kiss her and hug her and hold her hand, but I can’t.” Camila’s voice cracked and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I can’t Lauren, and it’s freaking exhausting because I love you so much it kills me to pretend I don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Lauren muttered quietly and wrapped her arms around Camila’s neck, pulling the smaller one into a tight hug.

“Don’t just be sorry, goddammit, do something about it. Take me to Miami and let me sing happy birthday to you.” Camila said struggling to form cohesively sounding words while her sobs became almost uncontrollable.

“I can’t.” Lauren replied softly and wiped her girlfriend’s tears from her cheeks.

“It’s been almost a year Lauren, I can’t do this anymore.” Camila said taking a step away and held her face between her hands.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

“For fucks sakes, stop apologizing!” The brunette yelled frustratedly. “Stop apologizing, and at least pretend you want to be in this relationship.”

“What are you implying Camila? That I don’t love you?” Lauren scoffed crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

“You sure have a funny way of showing it.” Camila replied easily.

“Oh my God, could you please stop acting like an immature little girl for two seconds and realize not everything is about you?”

“How the hell am I being immature? You’re the one who’s turning 19 tomorrow and you’re still too freaking scared to accept you’re a lesbian.” Camila said raising her voice considerably. “And you can keep living this perfect life in your perfect little closet, and I’ll still be your submissive part-time girlfriend if that’s what you want, but that’s bullshit Lauren, and you know it. You can’t lie to yourself forever.”

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