Decadence Hackneyed

E: Brianna T

  Brianna T, 

  Lilly and I have a friendship that's hard to describe. It's full of contradiction but it's worth the while. You and I haven't been together for long and I'm willing to be with you. However, please excuse me when I seem down or emotional because I am. I wish I could talk to you as easy as I do with her and I wish I could be in love with you as much as you are with me but it'll take time. You see the hope and I'm willing to be in on that hope but the only problem is pushing through to that time and trust me, with the person I am it'll take a while. I'm not very trusting but I am willing to try and that's all that matters. 

  You've introduced me to your family and your best friend. Your boss knows who I am and we have similar friends. More than I thought existed which means we have potential but to be in a relationship with me takes time and patience. I believe in you. My heart tells me that we can work. It's the matter of me actually doing so. 

  You passed my first test and yes I do test people. You caught my interest after a week. We hung out here and there before that week and that made it that much easier for me to like you. When I think about us I think of how worth it you are. You work around my schedule and, oh man. Do I have one! But the great part is? So do you. So I get to taste my own medicine every now and then. 

  Right now my arm is messed up. I can't lift like I usually do and talk about frustrating. I could send this to you but I don't know. Lily never asked me to send her the letters that I wrote to her and no one else has read out of this journal (that's a part of it anyway). I hate the feeling of being the only one who has the ability to do this lifting business when I'm hurt. It makes me feel useless.

  When you talk about your life I could get lost in it. Yea, you can be over dramatic sometimes but over all your life is interesting. I wish I could do something about some of the physical pain you go through but I have my own medical issues to worry about. 

  My sister told me how to deal with the stress I'm going through. This new job that I have is awesome when it comes down to only my part but anything above that is aggravating me. I know how to manage and do inventory because I was raised that way but these people. I'm running in circles not knowing why they don't do certain actions because it makes sense in my head but somehow, it doesn't make sense to them. 

  The huge difference is the fact that I was raised into seeing how business works and honestly I don't think it's hard to keep up with everything but then again I'm good at multitasking. I went to work this morning in really bad shape. I'll have to go back to talk to my manager. I hate having to ask other people. It's driving me nuts. I mean, unless someone needs me to take their hours I won't because I'm going to focus on school next week. Next week I work for eleven hours. Can you believe that? Excluding the Sunday shift I took. 

  Well, I don't believe I'm going to show you this. There's nothing super special in between us but I'm sure we'll work out and as long as I believe so and you satay the way you are then I'm not worried. 

-

Originally written on October 25, 2014. Edited on June 3, 2019

This relationship would end December of 2014.

To read more about the characters of this entry please refer to the poetry collection 'Road Map To Her'. 

Brianna T is poem number nineteen. 

Lilly's name can be found under poem number four and in other recent poetry collections like 'A Barrier Meant To Be Broken' and 'Assurgent Construction'.