Decadence Hackneyed

Hope To Believe

I don't want to think about you as much as I do

But you've been there this whole time, it's convenient

These thoughts about you, your smile,

That laugh I haven't heard in years...

Yet know,

If I could see you happy I'd pay a million.

I wouldn't have to because you wouldn't want that.

Happiness can't be bought. That's something we both know

At the moment I wonder what you're thinking.

I wonder if you can breathe better now that we haven't spoken,

But it has only been fourteen days and I expect to hold out till your birthday.

Do you understand how difficult that is?

There's a quote that I look at and I hope that it's meant for you.

"The best feeling comes when you realize that you're perfectly happy without the people you thought you needed the most"

Though it hurts to think about it, you tell me that I have done no wrong.

Yet here I am cluttered up in my insecurities.

Not having you around physically is easy enough to say

We're not conveniently around each other but our lives still managed to be parallel.

The longer I can hold out , the more I hope that I can become alive, alive in the person who I am

And not the person I thought without you would die.

It's not that I hate you, but every person you love comes with hate.

There's always darkness in the light, but that doesn't mean it's not meant it has to control what we are.

Lost I am not. I Find myself wondering what this is...

Here in two months I won't be able to talk to you even if I wanted.

Your number is still in my phone but our conversation was deleted.

I called you fourteen days ago.

It feels like a month.

But it hasn't made it yet and I know,

That this is what I have to do.

Step back and think about it

That's what I need to do.

Because if I keep thinking then I'll break it down too much.

Then I'll go to waste.

You haven't had time away from me so this is my time to say,

That if you missed me I'd like to know.

We'll have much to talk about then.

I'd be glad to get you a birthday present.

Hopefully you'll accept it.

Because I care and you know I do,

And I know you do too.

But the life that I want to live.

The one with you by my side...

Is a dream that needs to be written and put away.

For generations to come that will see,

It's okay to live and dream.

But not okay to force a being.

Love isn't something you can teach to someone.

Love is something meant to be.

It's natural and shouldn't be forced or controlled.

So hopefully I can breathe again,

And you'll be able to say.

That I'm a good friend.

And we're good friends.

And we don't have to be together to know that/

At least that's what I hope to believe.

-

Jan 26 2016

About My Kryptonite

At this time we weren't okay but now, we're able to say that we're good friends in our own way. -April 16, 2019