Caged By Him

Chapter 55

I hate what I'm doing but I can't help it. I guess I just feel bad it's my fault everything's happened.

If I were him, I wouldn't stand it anymore. I don't know how he gathered up all this patience with me. He's always impatient and short tempered.

Over the last few months, I've grown really close to Jackson. I don't know how or why but I talk to him a lot.

We've become somewhat inseparable. Whenever I feel bad, I'd talk to him. I turn to him for comfort and he doesn't seem to mind.

I can't do that with Tristan. I don't know why. I'm pushing him away because I let him down. I let everyone down.  Everybody copes differently, my way of coping seems to be pushing people away. I guess I want to hurt him before he hurts me.

If he's capable of hurting...

Jackson, however, it's different with him. He doesn't remind me of anything that has happened. It's fresh and new. Plus, he's playful and fun. I'd be lying if I said it didn't cheer my up from time to time.

I've gotten to know him during the past few months and it's only now that I realized how many things we have in common. He also grew up poor and had a rough childhood. He can relate to me, and we always talk about things like such.

The only thing that gets me out of bed is the fact that I can to the orphanage. And that's what I'm going to do today as well.

I get out of bed and slip on a light dress and a cardigan to keep me warm. That's all I have the energy to wear. Quick and easy. I slip on a pair of sandals, and head out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~

"You again?" Jackson smirks as he's sat on the table on his phone. "You keep showing up here after all this time, I might begin to think you're obsessed with me." He chuckles, placing his phone in his pocket and looking at me as I make my way over.

"How have you been?" He asks, scooting over as I pull down my dress and sit next to him.

"Okay. You?" I reply, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Never better." Jackson hums, shooting me a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the entire afternoon inside, and by now it was already night time and I was getting ready to leave. Mr and Mrs Harrison have already left. Today was Jackson's turn to stay with the kids.

I stood with my back to the bookshelf as he tidied up the room as we fall into a conversation. It's always easy talking to Jackson.  He has a lot of stories to tell, and doesn't care if he's judged or not. It's not like I'm going to judge him anyways.

"Are you free tomorrow?" He asks, gathering some books scattered across the table as he looks up at me.

"Yeah." I mumble, feeling sleepy and ready to go back home.

"I have the day off work if you want to do something." He suggests as I shrug my shoulders.

"Sure." I reply quietly as I fumble with the hem of my dress.

Jackson nods to himself and gathers the books in his hands, making his way towards me. He stands there for a little before I realize that I'm standing in his way.

"Sorry." I apologize, stepping a little bit to the side as he places the books on the shelf above my head.

An awkward silence invades the dark room as Jackson finishes what he's doing and stands still,  leaving no space between us.

I hear him sigh and look down on me as I look away, feeling a little tense because of how close he's standing.

A few minutes pass and he's still in the same position, staring down at me with his hand on the shelf above my head. I look up at him to see what he's doing, also because it's awkward with us just standing in silence. Flicking my eyes up to him, he's looking at me with a small smile on his face.

Suddenly, he leans in closer, his eyes on my lips as I swallow. He continues bringing his face closer and closer to mine.He licks his lips and looks to mine. At this moment, I knew exactly what he was doing.

So, I place both my hands on his chest and gently give him a light push, turning my face to the side and shutting my eyes tight.

"Um, w-what are you doing?" I ask, turning back to him, nerves lodged in my throat as Jackson's face drops and he steps back from me.

"I-uh...I'm sorry, I just..." He stutters as I clear my throat and tuck my hair behind my hot ears. "I couldn't help myself."

"Jackson, I'm married." I remind him, as he sighs and purses his lips.

"I know. I just couldn't hold back, I'm sorry." He grumbles, sheepishly rubbing on his neck. "I like you, Aurora."

"We're friends, Jackson. I'm in love with someone else." I explain, the thought of Tristan lingering in my mind.

"I know." He ushers out. "I just feel like we have a connection, that you deserve better."

As soon as he says that, I felt my heart drop. That was hurtful. I didn't tell him anything personal about my marriage, nor anything about Tristan's job. It's not his place to know. He just knows that Tristan and I are in a bit of a shaky situation. And now I feel stupid for opening up to him. I know he means well but he's wrong to think that we can be anything more than friends.

Feeling overwhelmed and somewhat sad, I nudge Jackson to the side and push past him as he calls out for me. But I don't turn around nor respond.

I can't believe that just happened, nor that Jackson would overstep boundaries like that. From the first time we met, I told him I was married. I made it very clear too.

Yes, Tristan and I are in a rocky place but that doesn't make a difference. I'm still married to him. There wasn't even a fraction of a second where I thought about Jackson as more than a friend.

This really just proves how very much in love I am with Tristan. It's not like I didn't know anyways. He's my first love, my first kiss, my first time. He's my first everything and the only man I want to be and feel intimate with. The only man I want touching me, kissing me, and making me feel the way he does.

And now I just feel bad. I don't think I can see Jackson anymore. I've never had any intensions to be with him whatsoever. All I wanted was for us to be friends. I needed a friend. But now, it's just going to be awkward between us after what he's told me.

I also feel bad because he got the impression that I would cheat on my husband with him. That can never happen because I'm not that kind of a person. I didn't lead him on to think that we could ever be anything other than friends.

Closing the door to the building, I step into the breezy outside. I pull out the phone that Tristan insisted I keep on me at all times, and dial his number. I haven't spoken to him in a while. And I don't deserve him being here for me after me avoiding him all this time. But I just know his presence is the only thing that'll make me feel better at this very moment...

Hey, cuties. Hope you enjoyed.

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Lots of love❤️️

Published: August 16h 2019.