(Please Play And Repeat Song Till The End)
(May 15, 2017 Sunday 10:39 a.m.)
Erryn's Pov//
"Erryn how did you know that?" Shit, it's not like I wasn't going to tell him about Grayson and I's talk. I was just gonna wait.
"Grayson and I had a long talk last night. That's why I was out there with him. He texted me to come out and talk to him.. so I did." Something tells me this talk is not going to go good? He just looks taken back and kind of shocked.
"What, uh what did you two talk about what um, what was said?" He asks calmly, that's a good thing.
"He was apologizing to me, about being the reason that we had to push back on telling our parents. He told me he was going through so much shit. And I was explaining to him how he should stop blaming himself for us not being together."
"You two not being together? He told me he didnt feel that way about you anymore." He says feeling lied to.
"He didnt want us to worry. He wanted us to be able to be together and not worry about him but he does feel that way. He wasnt- he's not okay with us. He's just pretending to be."
"Do you feel that way towards him still?" He takes my hand in his searching my eyes for an answer.
"Would I be with you if I did? Of course not. But he does and it's not okay. I feel like shit for thinking he was actually okay with us, I feel like shit for-"
"Getting with me?" Cutting me off worry takes over his face.
"No, falling for you wasn't the mistake I made. I feel like shit for even getting with him and leading him on. I've always felt this way about you. I always will." I reassure him.
"But I did get with him. So I owe it to him to wait till he's ready for his to tell them." Hopefully Ethan sees this the same way that I do.
"You're right we both do, but how did he end up in the street to get-"
"I was hoping you wouldn't ask.." Deep breath in deep breath out.
"He asked me, when I fell in love with you and I basically told him that I've felt this way since I could remember. But he ran away from me when I told him I don't think I was ever in love with him. I didn't want to tell him that but he begged me to tell him the honest truth and I did. I told him that I didn't have to be in love with him to love him. Maybe if I didnt he wouldn't have ended up in that street." He just looks at my taking in everything I just said.
"Thats all you two did? Was talk right you two didn't.." Is he implying what the hell I think he is?
"Are you asking if you did anything mor than talking? Of course the fuck not I would never do that to you. What the hell Ethan?"
"I was just asking. You can't blame me.. I mean you did just say that you fell in love with me while you were dating my brother." He sighs getting out of the bed.
"What does that have to do with this-"
"Everything Erryn! Because everything you just told me shows me that I'm and actual peice of shit. My brother loved you like I've never seen him love someone before and I stole that from him. And now he's-"
"Dont you dare blame yourself for what happened." I get out of the bed, walking over to him. I try to grab his and and he pulls away from me.
"I don't completely blame myself Erryn," He won't even look up at me and it shakes me to my core. My head drops letting it sink in.
"W-who do you blame?" I ask looking at him and he doesn't look at me. I need to hear him say it.
"Come on Ethan say it. Tell me because I wanna hear you say it." Nothing comes out of his mouth..
"Come on you coward, just say it!-"
"I blame you! Is that what you wanna hear because I do! You didn't have to tell him that and now he's in a intensive care unit. He's my brother and I let him down all for what?"
"Are you saying we're the reason for this or me, I've already said I don't regret us, so please Ethan don't tell me that you are." Reaching for his hand again he pulls away.
"I do. I regret every fucking moment. I knew it wouldn't last Erryn, you had to know that too. You deserve something that's not so complicated. Something that's not me." His hand cups my cheek comforting me.
"I deserve you, I want you. I'm not going to let you do this. Your just self sabotaging us because you-"
"No! Erryn this isn't self sabotage. Don't act like there's more to this than there is. I love you but your hurting my brother." He says lowly, but how can he say this like I'm doing it on purpose.
"So what? It's my fault I fell for you? It's my fault that you fell for me too, huh?"
"I never said that." He shrugs, now looking at me. But it's a familiar look. One that I'm not fond of..
"Said what? That it's my fault cause you just did-"
"No. I never said I was in love with you. Like you told him. You don't have to be in love with someone to love them. And I'm not so just go." He shrugs his shoulders again looking like he doesn't care. He can't be serious right now.
I know he doesn't want to do this but he is.. he's just trying to push me away and it's not going to work. I know he doesn't mean that.
"Fine, I'll go. I'm not mad at you. I get what you're trying to do. I'm not an idiot, you'll come to you senses."
"Erryn, this is me coming to my senses. You should do it to." His hands run through his hair before he speaks up one last time.
"We're over."
