(Please Play And Repeat Song Till The End)
(May 15, 2017 Sunday 1:45 a.m.)
Erryn's Pov//
I haven't been able to sleep all night. We didn't tell everyone at dinner like we were supposed to but we are going to. At the dinner our parents talked about doing a vacation together. So, we're going to tell them then. That gives us time to talk more about it and prepare.
I just want for Ethan and I to continue to be this happy and I can't really enjoy it when we're lying. Plus I want my mom to know.
My phone dings so I grab it off my night stand. Look to see who texted me.
Messages:
Grayson🥺💔
Hey, your lights on.. you up?
Uh, yeah. Why what's up?
Ethan talked to me tonight.. I just wanted to talk to you.
Sure do we need to FaceTime?
Could you actually come outside? I want to be able to talk in person. I just need to see you. Not through a screen.
I don't even think before getting out of my bed.
Yes. I'm going downstairs now.
I'll be there in a sec.
Messages End
_
I'm not sure what it is that he could want but if he wants to talk, I'm glad. I miss having my friend.
I rush down the stairs and get to the front door and open it feeling the cold air hit me. Soon I spot him coming up the the porch.
"Hey, so what did you need to talk about? Is everything okay?" Concern seeps from my voice.
"I- I don't know, Erryn."
"What is it you can talk to me." I say honestly. I want him to, but he just looks at me and takes a deep breath. He look sort of broken, lost, he's definitely not ok.
"Ethan told me you two were gonna tell everyone at dinner. Before you got there and it felt like my whole world came crashing down." He sighs and I just look down knowing what this is about.
"Oh, that's why he changed his mind." I sigh realizing why Ethan held back on telling our families.
"Erryn, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made you two push this back. I know you two hate lying. I'm sorry that I wasn't enough for you. I'm-"
"Don't say that," I cut him off as soon as those words leave his mouth. The fact that he thinks he wasn't enough hurts me. Because he was everything to me.
"Grayson, you were more than enough for me. It's just, I was so lost. If I'm being honest about why we broke up it was on me. I was happy with you, and yes you did fuck me up that night but I also didn't try to stop your from walking away."
"Erryn, I hate feeling like this all the time why does it hurt so fucking much? I beat myself up for everything because it was my fault. The things I said to you, the things I did. I fucked up us, our relationship, our friendship. Not to mention you and Amariahs."
"Grayson that wasn't just you. That was me too. I pushed you to doing all of those things. You're not the only one who made some mistakes." The fact that he blames himself makes me feel like complete utter shit.
"I'm trying to make up for it. You know by being okay with you and Ethan, but I don't think I can. And you don't understand just how much it eats me alive when I see your lips on his instead of mine. I miss our friendship, but I'll never get over our relationship. Because I'm still in love with you. But you're in love with him." He sighs going to turn around but I stop him.
"Why do you say it like that? Like it was so easy for me except it. Grayson you didn't try to stop me from moving on. You were so busy hate fucking Amariah that you didn't care. I didn't want to fall in love with him, but I did. And I don't regret it." I feel my eyes start to water. This is my breaking point.
"When? When did you fall for him. I just need to know, was in before or after I said all of those things to you that night? Please be honest cause Erryn I don't think I can take anymore lies. I just want to know." He looks at me with glossy eyes, and I feel like this just might hurt me more than it does him.
"I always liked Ethan, even when he was a dick to me. I saw something in him. I can't tell you exactly when, maybe it was the night he and I kissed for the first time. Maybe it was in California when I saw that under that rude, cold, player like shell he's and amazing guy." I smile just thinking about when I looked in his eyes I went from not being able to stand him to being insanely in love with him.
"And is that when you fell out of love with me?"
I've never thought about it until he just asked me what he did. He was my best friend before all of this, and deep down that's what he was throughout all of this. My best friend, and we were never supposed to cross that line. So when he asks me if that's also the moment I fell fell out of love with him it makes me realize-
"Grayson, I love you I always will and always did but, you have to be in love to fall out of it. I just don't think I was ever in love with you. The way I feel about him is different the way I did you. I don't love him more, but it's different. Maybe we should have never tried to be more that friends. But I don't regret us." I grab his hand and make him look at me but as soon as his eyes meet mine he pulls his hand away and walks away.
I hate that what I said upset but he asked me not to lie, I'm done lying to him, to everyone, to myself...
"Wait," I sigh trying to follow him off my my porch, but he walks starts to walk across the street instead of his house and I don't try to stop him. He's probably going to run this off.
But when I turn around to go back inside I hear tires screech and I turn to face the street to feel my heart stop.
"Grayson!"
