Prinxiety One Shots

Dukeceit? DeeRee? Receipt? Demus?

Look y'all are cowards and there's no content for Deceit x Remus and I intend to change that (sorry if y'all aren't into this ship but if you're not??? Get it together this is such a good ship)

What the entire hell is the ship name for these idiots

Yeah I mentioned Deceit having two dicks (that also are completely inside the body when not mating, fun fact), and what about it

Deceit resented his biological resemblance to a snake. Of course, some things had their benefits. Remus rather enjoyed his reptilian reproductive system, even if it was rather unattractive to anyone who wasn't the grossest person alive. But not being able to smell without sticking out his tongue? Being mostly blind but too stubborn to wear glasses or contacts? Accidentally unhinging his jaw in the middle of dinner? Less than pleasant.

But there's one thing he absolutely despises about being part snake. Cold blood runs through his veins, and he is always absolutely fucking freezing.

He was on the couch in the, for lack of a better term, Dark mindscape. He would be piled up under blankets if he wasn't too stubborn. What kind of dramatic Disney villain hides under the covers all day? He has a reputation to keep up, and if he has to sacrifice warmth to do it, then so be it.

He shivered, trying his best to focus on the show he'd turned on in the background. (It was Pretty Little Liars if you must know, one of his 'least favorite' shows) He had nearly considered trying to make himself one of those sweaters all the light sides had from the Christmas video, but only if it would still fit his aesthetic.

He quickly braced himself when he heard the sound of Remus's footsteps over his own shuddering. Their interactions always went one of two ways: sweet and mushy or sweet and mushy then completely derailed by Remus's irrational outbursts. He wasn't sure if he had quite enough energy at the moment to deal with option number two, so he hoped Remus was in a sappy mood.

"Hey Double-D, whatcha watching?" Remus stopped mid-skip, taking a moment to look at the TV screen. Deceit quickly turned it off before Remus could see.

"Something great," he said sarcastically, adjusting on the couch so Remus could sit down next to him. As expected, Remus sat down, then swiveled to throw his legs over the back of the couch.

"Can I watch with you?"

"Absolutely not." It's not like Deceit had anything against watching something with Remus. In fact, he'd rather enjoy it right now. But Remus has this funny habit of saying things that completely ruin the characters for him. Pretty Little Liars is sacred and cannot be messed with, but it's not like he can just say to Remus 'Hey, don't be yourself while we watch this, please and thank you.'

"But I'm bored. I was gonna bother Logan, but bothering you sounds like a lot more fun."

"Well, that's a damn shame, because you're not watching-" He was cut off by an involuntary shiver. Goddammit. "You're not watching with me," he said, trying to pretend it hadn't happened. He was above just giving in to basic needs and asking for cuddles, right?

"What's wrong, Snack Mamba?" Remus, although using the one clever name he'd come up with, sounded concerned. More than he was normally capable of being.

"It's nothing, I'm just-" Another shudder. Was it too much to ask to be warm-blooded? "I'm cold, that's all."

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" Then after quite a bit of shuffling, Remus was sitting upright, then he quickly scooped Deceit into his lap. Although being quite used to this, Deceit blushed. It was so rare to get genuine affection out of Remus, and it made him feel special every time he remembered that it was reserved just for him.

Then Remus snapped, and a yellow and green blanket appeared above them, gently drifting down until it covered them both. Deceit smiled, reaching for the remote.

"Fine, we can watch something. Put on what you want." He handed Remus the remote, smiling as he enjoyed the warmth. He rolled his eyes as Remus navigated to 2005's Just Like Heaven, then heard a collective groan from upstairs where the Light Sides were.

And this is where I discover that I have no knowledge of 2005's Just Like Heaven. I'd look it up and download it but I just broke the only pair of earbuds I had here. Send help

Deceit turned to face Remus who shared his same satisfied smile. He pressed a quick kiss to his lips, trying to ignore how oily Remus's skin was.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, Dee-light." Deceit sighed, entirely comfortable. He wanted this to last forever, even though he knew- "Say, do you think you could unhinge your jaw and we can see if this entire remote fits in your mouth?" Well, there it is. He should have seen that coming.

"No, darling. No we can not. Let me watch the movie and be quiet." Of course, Remus didn't shut up for long. He never does. But Deceit lives for those moments of silent sweetness, and even if they're few and far between, he'll take what he can get.

Should I be asleep? Yes. Should you be asleep? Probably. Should I have spent half an hour on this? Absolutely not

Look I don't have the energy to find emojis, so I'm changing the outro for today (tonight? this morning??? it's 4:42 AM) so

Be Gay, Do Crime, 420/69

That's it, and I'm not going to sleep