So Be It // o. maatta

Chapter One Hundred-Five

Chapter One Hundred-Five: Alex's POV

Despite how much I denied it, deep down, I missed James.

He was a cocky son of a bitch, who was a down-right jackass to me, my fiancé, and anyone that came in contact with him, who didn't have giant tits, and bleached hair. He was all that, and worse, but at the same time, he was my older brother.

The older brother that taught me how to skate. The older brother that drove me to the very first game I played in. The older brother that was the reason I moved to Pittsburgh; the reason I met Olli.

If you ask me, it's unable to turn off your love for someone. Whether it's family love, or wanna-fuck-you-sideways love, you can't just forget about it. Love is a deep-rooted affection for someone, or something. It isn't just something you can let go of very easily.

If you've never been in the situation where you've had a massive fight with a family member, and had to ignore them, look at it this way: It's like when you find out someone you have a crush on doesn't like you back, and all your friends tell you, 'Just forget about him!'

While it obviously isn't the same type of love, it's more or less the same feeling. Fact of the matter is, you can't forget about someone who gave you so much to remember.

You can be as stoic as you want, and mold this persona in which you just don't fucking care, but really, you still felt some sort of nostalgia. It was just human nature.

Back, during Summers in Whitby, James would leave every weekday by train, and endure the thirty minute ride into Toronto to workout. And you see, that was back when I wasn't the red-headed step-child, and he enjoyed my company, so sometimes he'd allow me to travel alongside him. These were always my favorite days, since I got to spend time with my older brother in the city.

Something I think a lot of people -including Olli- didn't understand was that at one point, James and I were practically inseparable. It may come across as hard to believe, namely because he was seven years my elder, but still, for a very long stretch of time, James was my best friend.

Maybe it was the overall ache of wistfulness in my chest, or the pounding in my head, or the goddamn pregnancy mood swings, but something led me to brother's home, on May 31st, just four days prior to the day Olli and I were getting hitched.

You see, that day, Olli headed to UPMC Mercy for an appointment with one of their nineteen orthopedic surgeons. And since the adorable bastard was paranoid I'd pick up some virus that'd hurt the baby in the long run, he ordered me to stay home, completely unsupervised.

So naturally, I watched his car pull out of the driveway, from our bedroom window. As soon as he was gone, I scuffled about, finding my way into actual, presentable clothes. Within five minutes, I was dashing down the steps, and to the garage...

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My brother was a fuck up when it came to most things. Discipline, as every NHL fan knew all-too-well, maturity, as strictly Pens fans knew, and just a lack thereof neatness, as his friends and family knew.

Despite that, there was one thing my brother was at least proficient at: shooting me the death glare. Frankly, the boy had it down to a fucking art.

Straggling up his driveway, I made my way to the front door, and pulled my t-shirt out, slightly, so my stomach was less noticeable, before nervously ringing the doorbell. God, what the fuck was I doing?

Within moments, I heard him futz with his keys, before unlocking the door, and gliding it open. As soon as his eyes met mine, his pupils widened, engulfing his whole eyes in pitch blackness. "Alex?" He asked dryly, cocking an eyebrow. "What, trouble in paradise?"

"C-can we talk?" I uttered, throat suddenly running dry. I wasn't expecting how nervous this'd make me.

He glanced at me up and down hesitantly, before drawing the door back, stepping to the side, and inviting me in.

I stepped up, onto the landing, and took a couple steps across his hardwood foyer. As he locked the door, he muttered, "You can sit in the family room."

I shuffled down the hall, keeping my head down. Once I got into the living room, I meandered to the couch, and delicately sat down. Seconds later, James filtered in.

"So, need money, or something?" He questioned cynically, taking the seat across the coffee table from me.

I shook my head, and tucked my hands under my lap, so I was sitting on them; a nervous habit that had stuck since middle school. "I want to talk."

He rolled his eyes, scoffing, "You never wanted to talk when I wanted to talk."

I grimaced a bit, expecting that to come, before nodding slowly. "Yeah, but I want to talk now. Isn't that worth something?" My eyes pleaded with his.

Deep down, I think James wanted this just as much as I did. "Yeah, I guess. Go ahead, talk."

Internally, I sighed with relief, thanking god that James was willing to give me a shot. "So uh, I'm sorry you guys were eliminated..."

I suppose he was bracing for an Olli-related statement, by the way he visibly relaxed once I had mentioned the season. "Yeah, it sucked, sis." I watched as the corners of his lips twitched, almost like he was happy calling me 'sis'. "But uh, how've, how've you been?"

I was obviously caught off guard by his question, not expecting anything close to it.

I bit back my shock, and nodded, smiling tightly. "I've been great, thanks. How've-"

"How's Olli?" He interrupted. A sliver of his voice sounded genuinely concerned.

Caught even more off-guard, I kinda fell backwards, into my seat, before mumbling, "Olli's good, thanks."

James forcibly smirked, and we sat in silence for a moment, being he piped up, "Why exactly are you here, Alex?"

I swallowed hard, before whispering, "I miss you, James." I bowed my head, so he couldn't see my face.

"You what?" He sounded dazed.

"I miss my big brother, James." I murmured, even softer then the last time.

"Oh, Alex.." He breathed, taken back.

"I miss the occasional early breakfast at Kings, or the stupid texts you send when you're on a road trip. I miss being able to ask you for advice. I miss being able to just tell you stuff. James, I'm fucking pregnant, and was never able to tell you that..." I looked up after I shared the big news, to see his reaction. A section of hair fell before my eyes, so I couldn't see much, but could tell that he was smiling, just the slightest bit. A cocky smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"You miss me?" He asked.

I nodded wordlessly.

As what can only be surprised as the biggest plot twist of the day, James fucking Neal rose from his seat, walked around the coffee table, bent down before me, and pulled me into a long, tight hug.

As my face buried into his shoulder, he mumbled to me, "I've missed you too, little sis. And god, I'm so happy for you and Olli."

Frankly, it was the most unexpected event that had occurred for me in a long while. And that wasn't even the half of it..