So Be It // o. maatta

Chapter Eighty-Three

Chapter Eighty-Three: Olli's POV

I had only seen Alex this broken-down twice. And quite frankly, it was a scary sight.

You see, Alex was one of the strongest people I knew. And I loved, yet hated that about her.

She was incredibly, unimaginably guarded. She hated letting people do things for her. She stayed quiet, and kept her head down.

To be honest, I found the fact that she was soft-spoken fairly sexy.

However, she kept herself wound so tight, that she never told you when something was a matter. She just let it eat away at her, until she ultimately broke down, and that was what I assumed had happened in this scenario.

I clutched her in my arms, as she sobbed into my damp chest. By then, Beau and I had transported her from the dorm, back to Jay's and my place, so we were in my bed.

I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on. She just continually bawled into my chest, and I continually comforted her, but I just didn't know what I was comforting her about.

These were the times that I wished she was more open. These were the times I needed her to be more open.

"Alex," I pulled away, so her face detached itself from my t-shirt.

She wiped her nose on her sleeves, and looked up at me, eyes red.

"Alex, what is going on? What's a matter?"

She sat up in bed, and began to pull the sheets off her legs, mumbling quickly, "I have to go."

I reached out, and grabbed her hips, with both hands, pulling her back down, gently. "Where are you going?"

She struggled against my grip, even though I was hardly touching her. "H-home."

"No." I stated firmly, attempting to pull the covers back around her. "You're staying with me. I need to know what's going on, baby."

She just shook her head, continuing to put up a fight. God, I hated when she acted like this.

"Alexandra Neal, what is happening here? Why won't you talk to me?"

She aggressively brushed tears from her eyes. You could tell she was getting irritated. "I need to go home, Olli." She protested.

"Your home is with me!" I raised my voice, slightly, sitting up, stiff as a board.

"No." She muttered.

"Babe." My voice dropped. "What did I do that you don't want to be around me?"

"It's not," She sniffed. "It's not that I don't want to be around you. It's just," Another sniffle. "I don't want you to be around me when I'm like this."

"Like what?" I asked, shaking my head, slightly, mildly confused.

"Upset. Broken. In the midst of a mental breakdown." She dropped her palms down on the blankets, with a sighing noise.

"Honey, I-"

"Olli, just let me go home." She was beginning to sound exasperated.

"Alex," I honestly felt pretty hurt. She was pushing me away, when I just wanted to help. "I'm your fiancé. With me should be your home."

"No." She snapped, a fresh round of tears beginning to cascade down her red cheeks. "I don't want to be around you, dammit. Can't you fucking tell?"

I was at the point with her where words didn't seem to make a difference anymore. She just kept pushing me away, relentlessly.

"Alex, for fucks sake." I tried to hold her hand, but she just jerked away. "Why in the name of all fucking holy things do you not want to be around me?"