The shy boy from math class

Chapter 22| Privacy

     I stand right outside of Grayson's hospital room, feeling the pit in my stomach tighten with every breath I take. Genevieve rubs my back as I gulp. "You can do it, Sel."

I squeeze my fists tightly, feeling my fingernails dig into my palms. I feel dizzy. As if I'm about to faint right here, right now. I act as if taking bigger breaths will help but I think it's just making it harder to breathe. I can't go in there. I don't think I can see him wired up to all the tubes and wires. I don't think I can see him sleeping like that. It wouldn't look the same as it did when I saw him sleeping in front of me. When he had his arms wrapped tightly around me and I could hear his light snores.

Genevieve places her hand on the center of my back and gently pushes me. "If you need anything you know I'll be right in the waiting room."

I look back at her, shaking my head no. "Gen, I can't."

She knocks on the door and my eyes widen. "Genevieve!" I gasp.

"I'll be in the waiting room." She whispers, rushing out of the hallway.

"Selena." Elle smiles. "You're here."

I try my best to force on a smile. She opens the door wider, releasing a deep breath. "He hasn't woken up yet. Are you sure you wanna come in? Steven and I can give you some privacy."

I nod and she opens the door wider. I hesitantly walk in, immediately hearing all the monitors beeping. I avoid looking at the hospital bed as I walk in further.

"Steven and I will be in the cafeteria. If you leave before we come back just text us, okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, thank you," I mumble.

Steven pats my shoulder on the way out, then I wait for the door to close. As the door closes I finally look up at Grayson. My blood runs cold and I feel my eyes start to get watery. His left leg is in a cast. He has a few scratches on his face. A cut on his lip and a big cut across his cheek. He had tubes going down his throat and IV's in his veins.

I cover my mouth, walking closer to his side. I hesitatingly reach out my hand, pulling it back at the last minute. I pull over a stool and sit right by his side. I feel all the tears streaming down my face but I don't bother to wipe them away.

I lean over and swoop away the hair falling in front of his forehead. I finally hold his hand in mine, rubbing my thumb against the top. This is all my fault. All of this.

"I'm so sorry, Gray." I cry. "I should've driven you home that night. We should've left earlier or something."

He's been in a coma for two weeks. I didn't think I'd ever see him like this. I couldn't take not seeing him.

"My math grade has been going down so much. You can only pull the grief card for so long." I sniffle. "I've tried getting help from Rebecca Harris but she doesn't teach it like you do. I tried Genevieve and she was no help either."

I take a deep breath, squeezing his hand. "God, all I want is for you to wake up. Please wake up, Grayson. Please."

I look up at him and can't help but cringe at him breathing from the machines. He doesn't look peaceful at all. When I saw him sleeping that one day, he looked calm. He had no care in the world when he was asleep. He sleeps with his mouth open and he snores but not too loud. I thought it was adorable.

I miss seeing him smile at me in the hallways. I miss wondering what color his eyes would be every day. Some day they'd be greener than brown. Some days they'd be more brown than green. Some days it was just the perfect mixture.

"I never told you, but I had this dream. That dream made me realize I didn't love Calvin any more." I laugh, wiping tears away from my eyes. "I didn't want to admit it. We were about to hit a year. I couldn't dump him the month before our one year anniversary! I thought maybe when I'd lose my virginity to him I'd gain all those feelings again. But my guy told me that I wouldn't."

I bite my thumb, realizing I'm finally telling someone about this. "I got back with him because I didn't want him to hurt you. I did it all for you. But look at me, I got my heart broken by a guy I stopped loving. I'll always love Calvin but I don't think I'll ever be in love with him. He was my first love, how can I not?"

I hear some knocks coming from the door so I immediately wipe away my tears, hoping my eyes aren't noticeable. "I gotta go. I'll see you later, Grayson."

I quickly stand up and kiss his forehead. I brush away some hair falling in front of his forehead and rush to the door. I open it and find Elle and Steven.

"Thank you guys so much for the privacy. Genevieve's waiting out there for me so I gotta go. But I hope to come back maybe tomorrow?"

Elle warmly smiles and pulls me in for a hug. "You are a great young woman, Selena. Grayson is lucky to have you by his side." She says as she rubs my back.

After I say my goodbyes with them I racewalk over to the waiting room. As I rush in I see Genevieve sitting next to an old lady, chatting away with her like she's her best friend.

"And so I told her to dump him and guess what she did? Not dump him." Genevieve explains. The old lady gasps and continues to listen to her speak.

I slowly make my up to them and Genevieve smiles once she sees me. She grabs her sweater and starts to get up. "Well Diane the story ends our friend pregnant with her ex's baby and now she's slowly falling for a guy in a coma."

I gasp, smacking her arm. The old lady bursts into laughter as I pull Genevieve away. We start walking outside and I smack her arm again. "You're telling my business to old people now!?"

"Relax!" She says, "Diane said she'd take it to her grave!"