Chapter 10: The Date With Michelle

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Simon told Kim to go talk to Other Kim for dating advice. Other Kim was only too thrilled to help.

“Are you looking for a hot date? I’m great at setting people up! I’ll find someone amazing!”

“Yay awesome,” Kim said, trying to muster even the smallest iota of enthusiasm for this plan.

“Are you interested in men or women?” Other Kim asked.

Kim blinked, not even believing this was a real question. She thought back on all the men she had met in this world. They were each of them hideous, loathsome trolls, with mustaches and ridiculous hair and shorts, and personalities like a dead rat in a used diaper.

“The only men even worthy of dating consideration are Kanye West, Idris Elba, and Zayn Malik,” Kim said. “And I haven’t seen any indication that any of them even exist in this world.”

Other Kim shifted her weight and kept smiling. “Women, then! Do you like sporty girls, or are you more into the artistic kind?”

Kim actually thought about this for a moment. Probably artistic, right? She didn’t want to end up having to attend sporting events.

“Artistic,” Kim guessed.

“Got it,” Other Kim said. “I have someone in mind. Her name’s Michelle and she’s a writer. You’ll love her!”

“I completely doubt it but okay!” Kim said. 

“Oh my god I’m so excited for you. Why don’t you two meet at Panino right now? You already look great anyway.”

“Like, right now right now?” Kim asked. She looked down at her outfit. She was wearing a scoop-top T and jeggings and the black shoes with all the strappy things that she was really sick of. She longed for more shoe options. Why did her closet have 20 different baggy tops that she would never wear, and only like 2 pairs of shoes that didn’t completely suck? It made no sense. 

“Fine, let’s just get this over with,” Kim said. If she changed her look before her date it would be like admitting she cared. 

Kim walked over to Panino and saw a woman standing outside, looking expectantly at her. She had very pale skin, long, curly black hair, and an overly floppy hat. Thinking it might be Michelle (but secretly hoping it wasn’t because she hated that hat) Kim stopped to chat. 

“Hey, I’m a stylist, I love your outfit!” the woman said. Okay so she was apparently not Michelle the Writer. She was also apparently not a very good stylist if she was actually thought this was a decent outfit. 

The woman was standing there and Kim wasn’t sure if she was supposed to network with her? Or flirt? Like what even is the difference, at the end of the day. She decided she better save her flirting energy for her date, so she tried to network with this woman. She was A-list, and had plenty of money, judging from her outfit and accessories. Probably not a bad person to know. 

“Guess my name!” the woman said. 

“Um I just met you,” Kim said. “Your name could literally be anything. It could be Potato Chlamydia for all I care.”

“It’s either Jennifer Williams or Alexis Cassiopeia,” the woman said.

“Are...you...not sure?” Kim asked. This was the most pointless game. But fine whatever. “Alexis Cassiopeia,” Kim guessed, thinking a clueless stylist probably had a weird name. 

The woman was elated. “Yes! Here’s my number, let’s stay in touch!”

Kim scooped up the money the woman dropped, rolled her eyes and pushed past her into Panino.

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